fhightimes | THE FANDOM HIGHTIMES: TENTH ISSUE!

CHLOE SPEAKS:
Welcome to the tenth issue of the Fandom Hightimes! Pardon the size of this issue - we have a lot of catching up to do since the end of last semester, and all of the normal activities have been kind of compounded by the fact that this semester has already brought us amateur vampire hunting, and an attack by snow monsters. (I would like to take this moment to plug my hometown: To Smallville, Kansas! We may be a tiny place, but at least the people who try to attack our town are human! Most of the time, at least.) Anyhow, enjoy your reading, and remember, if you'd like to be part of the newspaper crew, we have meetings every Thursday at 4pm FHT, in the Journalism classroom. I hope to see you there!

OMGWTF WELCOME TO FANDOM
by Phoebe Halliwell

So, it's only been a month since the new students arrived, and they've been introduced to some of the more freaky aspects of Fandom High and Fandom Town.

So far, we've had the phones mess up completely, we've been attacked by snow monsters, and we've had 24 hours of people bursting out into song and dance routines.

There have been vampire attacks, and amateur vampire hunters taking up arms to put a stop to them.

This, my friends, is Fandom. This is the place where you discover so many things about yourself and your fellow students. One day you're sworn enemies. The next day, you're fighting together against a bigger enemy.

When it comes to attacks on this island and this school, you learn that for brief moments, you can put differences aside and fight for something big. When someone attacks our home, instead of fighting with each other, we're pitching in to clean, or we're there to distribute the weapons needed to protect our home and the people therein.

Will this make us friends for life? Doubtful. After the catastrophe is over, we go back to being students and snarking at each other again...until the next time that someone thinks that they can run roughshod over us and our way of life.

We're all in this together, people.

Welcome to Fandom.

PROFILE - DEAN WASHBURN
by Veronica Mars

Our new Dean of Faculty, Zoe Washburn, has already figured out the number one thing about Fandom High: it's a highly unusual place. "And here I thought I was finally learning what could be considered normal," she said.

Before accepting her position at Fandom High, Dean Washburn served as a corporal in the Independent Army. "We had a...bit of a civil war, during which the leader of my unit and I ended up becoming good friends. I spent the next few years working on his ship, Serenity," she explained. "And it was a ship that flew, if you have a wide definition of what you'd consider 'flying.' Sometimes it was more coasting and praying that gravity didn't kick in. Essentially, we were couriers who performed a lot of odd jobs."

Dean Washburn is looking forward to meeting the teachers here at Fandom High and learning about a time she has only read about in history books. "I'm from here in that I'm from Earth. But I'm from about 500 years in the future."

Hopefully, the students and faculty of Fandom High can help her adjust to life back on the ground and provide her with a new source of interesting stories. She declined to share any stories from her time on Serenity. "I don't know if any of them are appropriate for a school newspaper. We had some very interesting times."

PROFILE - DEAN ZORDON OF ELTAR
by Peter Parker

Fandom High's Dean of Students, Zordon of Eltar, is a man of much experience with teenagers. Prior to joining the staff at Fandom, Zordon served as a mentor to a team of teenage superheroes called the Power Rangers. After spending some time as the head of the Rangers, Zordon felt that coming to FH would be the best use of his experience.

Dean Zordon is, first and foremost, a man of great intellegence. Secondly, he's a giant head floating in a tube. The technology that allows him to exist in this manner is likely well beyond the comprehension of most FH students due to the fact that Zordon is a twelve hundred year old alien. The fact that he is the dean and thus capable of assigning detention should be enough reason for a student to avoid testing their comprehension.

After observing the student population from his Command Center for the past month, Zordon has decided that one of the most unique things about Fandom High is its diversity. "All of us come from very different walks of life, different dimensions, different times," he said.

Zordon went on to explain that the diversity of our school can be both an asset leading us to greatness or it can lead to misunderstandings since there are so many walks of life represented here. When that happens, "the best we can do is bear in mind that those we deal with may not always understand things the same way we do, and try to see things from their point of view."

His message of diversity and inclusiveness even extends to his favorite color. He prefers white because "white light contains all the colors of the spectrum."

PROFILE - JOSH LYMAN
by Alanna Trebond

Among the new faces in Fandom High this semester is history teacher Josh Lyman. Before coming to Fandom, Mr. Lyman was the Deputy Chief of Staff for the President of the United States in a parallel world where the President is currently Josiah Bartlet. Now, Mr. Lyman teaches United States history and government and political campaigning.

Mr. Lyman came to Fandom for a break from his work on advice from his chief of staff. However, the chief of staff failed to warn him that Fandom might be anything but a regular school. Apparently, "demons, snow monsters, and undead Americans" are infrequent visitors to the White House.

Instead of using what he knows of his world to explain Fandom, Mr. Lyman is using what he learned here to explain the unexplainable in his own world. "It explains things like how all these people who were supposed to be dead keep voting year after year." Mr. Lyman said in regards to demons in Congress.

Undead Americans and snow monsters aside, Mr. Lyman is enjoying life in Fandom. "I like it. My students are smart, my fellow teachers seem dedicated, and I live with a miniature giraffe. Life is good."

PROFILE - DREAM
by Victor Borkoski

Victor: What inspired you to become a teacher, and why here at Fandom High?

Dream: I have been through some personal changes lately. Being a teacher seemed a new way to use my gifts and spend time around ... young people. Fandom High was more accepting of my unique qualifications than other institutions might have been.

V: And what unique qualifications are those, if you don't mind me asking?

D: I am not human. I am ... my name is myself. I am dreaming, and all that encompasses. My siblings and I are called the Endless, though we have many names.

V: Really? That's pretty cool. So, what you like to do in your free time, then?

D: I enjoy my work. [Also,] I read, at times, and I have a few true friends. And I suppose I am close to most of my siblings.

V: Okay, next question: As you know, we had a snow monster attack a couple of weekends ago. My friend Blair proposed that we try and talk with them to negotiate peace. Do you think that would've been possible if we had known their language?

D: I admire Mr. Sandburg's enthusiasm, but no. Peace is not always an option.

V: So are you saying then that the snow creatures weren't a peaceful race, that even if we could've spoken their language they would've still tried to kill us? Why would they do something like that, anyway?

D: They are as they are. Different beings have different natures. It cannot be explained easily. As for why they attacked us, I believe one of ours had disturbed their leader.

V: That makes sense. Okay, last one: If you could give your students just one piece of advice, what would it be?

D: What could I say, except "Follow your dreams"?

V: Thank you, Professor Dream. I really appreciate it.

D: It was my pleasure, Victor.

This is Phoebe and Veronica's first gossip and shipping news column of 2006, and boy, can you believe how much has already happened in less than six weeks? We had the first and only meeting of the "Gremlin Bite Support Group". This provided an invaluable service to the incoming students as we were lucky enough to show them what can happen when you get bitten. Also? Apparently, Gremlins can read. We should keep that in mind for next time. (V? Any idea why this time we all turned into the Brady Bunch?) (Not a clue, Phoebes, but I blame Rory Gilmore.)

There was a "Welcome Dance" thrown for the incoming students and Zero's band played. They so need to come back again. Yay Zero! The crew from Caritas went to New York. (Best. Trip. Ever.) The Freshmen class had a bonfire on the beach. That? Is a cool way to start a new school. Who destroyed the Common Room on the second floor of the dorms? It was blown up. However, Quinn came to the rescue and redecorated it for the residents of the second floor.

We were invaded by an army of muppet chickens. Yeah, muppet chickens. There was the great body swap of 2006. Yeah, you read that right. Belthazor and Angel swapped bodies, both of them caused a lot of anguish and damage... Note for future reference? Next time, try starting with that you're someone in the wrong body. Greeting the girl you wake up in bed with with the words, You're not my girlfriend not the best way to get compassion and assistance from a witch.

OMGWTFSnowmonsters?! You know, zombies in October were freaky enough, now we had snow monsters in January. (I think it’s only fair to point out that snow monsters in July would be freakier, Phoebes.) Apparently, evil!Frosty was cranky. I guess no one makes Midol for snowmen. Aliens? Lilly and Lisa were abducted by aliens? And someone kidnapped Parker's bunny, Esme. I hope you make them pay for all of that, Parker.

There has been a massive exodus as of late. Michael and Ben left. The Brothers left. Fred left. Inara left. Red left. My big brothers Aziraphale and Wilson left. Buffy left... why are all of you people leaving?! Hey, V? It says here that Han and Buffy kissed and other things before she left. Oh hey! CJ and the Doctor spent a few days as teenagers. This? It proved that CJ has always been awesome. Also, this shows that Ten always has been and is still adorably snuggly. Oh, and certain new students decorated Principal Smith's office with a golf cart. That made us all laugh so much.

Let's see, we also had the great day of phone screw-ups. Anyone calling to talk to someone? Their messages didn't go to the right people. It caused all kinds of fights and misunderstandings. By the way, people? Study groups use pens, pencils and note books; not stakes, holy water, weapons and blood. Next time, having someone teach you a vanquishing spell probably wouldn't hurt, either. (Next time, tell your girlfriends the truth about what you’re doing, too.)

Barbossa held tryouts for new radio talent and the broadcasters for the spring semester are Lee Adama 'n John Crichton, Bridge Carson, Lilly Kane, Archie Kennedy, Rita Skeeter, and Jaye Tyler. New Student Council elections were also held. Callisto is student body president.

It's official, the cool new hang-out on campus is the Assistants' Lounge. (I think it might be my new favorite place, Phoebes.) Our coffee doesn't make you sing. However, don't steal any. Jake will kill you slowly if you do.

On to the shipping news. For anyone wondering? Cally and Anders are still the reigning champs in the cuteness Olympics. However, they are followed closely by Callisto and Angel. Jaye and Archie are also trying to be contenders, as are new couple Victor and Walter. The witch and the demon broke up. Yes, Belthazor and Phoebe broke up. (V? How come I have to be mentioned in here?) But no fear, Phoebe is engaged to Crowley. (V? How did this get in here?) (I dunno? But I have to say, you take the bad boy fixation to a whole new level. I thought I was bad.) Oh, hey! Veronica and Logan got back together. Congrats, V! (Thanks!) Paige dumped Sawyer! You go, sis. Sawyer, stay away from my sister. Marty and Angela also broke-up. Awww, but they seemed to fit so well, together. Lindsey and Piper hit a rough patch, but managed to work things out. (Lindsey, we really should chat sometime - V). Also, my BFF, Lilly is on the market again, boys.

We have a new security officer, Benton Frasier. Yes, he's cute. Yes he's sweet. Here's a tip. You want to get his attention? Serenade him. We did. Serenading seems to be a popular form of conveying one's emotions these days. Parker got serenaded by Jarod and our favorite pirate serenaded our favorite ninja!

In conclusion? Ben the Mountie (and his hat) is the hawt.

Dear Phoebe,

I'm in love with a girl, but our families hate each other. There's no way we can bring each other home for a visit. What do you think we should do for the holidays? We don't want to be apart, but our families won't let us be together.

Signed, Romeo

Dear Romeo,

My advice is to try to focus on the two of you and not your families for awhile. If you truly love each other? There is almost nothing very little that can cause you guys hassle. Keep in mind, you're in love with each other and not your families. I know it's not easy, but the things that are worth the most never are. Have faith in your love for her and her love for you.

Love,
Phoebe

SENIORS! ONLY 11 WEEKS LEFT UNTIL GRADUATION! ACK!

Coffee Pin-Up

credits:
editor: Chloe Sullivan
words: Victor Borkoski, Phoebe Halliwell, Veronica Mars, Peter Parker, Chloe Sullivan, Alanna Trebond
pictures: Chloe Sullivan, The Magnificent Google
coffee pin-up: aperitif.no