fhightimes | THE FANDOM HIGHTIMES: FOURTH ISSUE!

JAKE SPEAKS:
Chloe says I'm supposed to be talking about the contents of this issue here.

I say: Pbbbth to that.

Instead you're getting nifty quotes about coffee!

All of these have anonymous origins:

1. Sleep is a symptom of caffeine deprivation.

2. Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend.

3. Over second and third cups flow matters of high finance, high state, common gossip and low comedy. [Coffee] is a social binder, a warmer of tongues, a soberer of minds, a stimulant of wit, a foiler of sleep if you want it so. From roadside mugs to the classic demi-tasse, it is the perfect democrat.

...And now you can go read about the craziness that was this weekend.

(Am not allowed to quote more. Am being suppressed. Freeeeedom from tyranny!)

GEORGE SPEAKS:
While parents converge upon the campus of Fandom High, the investigation into the mass drugging of students at Spike's pub on the 19th of October continues. Over the last week, Security Officer Martin Blank uncovered interesting facts concerning the person possibly behind the "fear drug."

When town residents Jay and Silent Bob were ~~interrogated~~ interviewed, they claimed ignorance of the true properties of the substance they had -- just before it was inadvertently released into the air -- attempted to sell to Fandom High students. When he pressed the duo further for information, Blank was eventually pointed in the direction of Ms. Sidle's classroom.

An inventory was performed of the professor's store room, and it was discovered that a significant amount of volatile chemicals is missing. This has supported Blank's current belief that a fellow Fandom High student is behind the manufacture and subsequent planting of the so-called "fear drug."

The identity of this student has yet to be determined. If you have any information concerning this investigation, please contact Security Officer Blank as soon as possible.

"US" VS. "THEM" : HUMANS AND NON-HUMANS
Phoebe Halliwell

The parents have gone back to their homes, leaving the students free to get back to what they call a normal life here at Fandom High.

So, what does this mean, now?

This means that we all go back to hanging out with our different cliques and drawing lines in the sand to separate "Us" from "Them".

Or not.

This school and the surrounding town and island are full of wonderful chances to mingle and get to know someone who might be a little different than us or what we're used to.

Instead, we're seeing miniature wars waging between those who are humans and those who are non-human.

Non-human doesn't always mean evil, just like human doesn't always mean goodness.

I think we all need to take time to drop our perceptions of one another and the way the world should be, and try to get to know someone from the other side.

CULTURE: IT'S NOT JUST FOR BIO ANYMORE
Angelus

Those of us who have been hovering on the edge of a stake (or the suicide method of your choice) will be thrilled to discover that our little 'burg of Fandom has finally gotten something that resembles actual culture. Actually, several somethings.

Of course we all know about Azriphale's Rare Book shop, which is nice for all the reading you'd like to do that you can tell Mom and Dad about ~~and Pandora's, for everything you can't~~. But for those who'd like something a little more intense there's The Museum of History and Culture and Rare Items, which was apparently named on the odd chance that "Museum of Stuff" would be too vague for Fandom's populace to understand.

There's also a new restaurant, Россия: Наиболее прекрасный, which can help remedy the ache that one too many coffees and burgers can leave behind. Take it from me, Russian makes for darned good eating.

But for me, bar none, the most exciting news has been right here in Fandom High's own hallowed halls, which is that we're getting our own dance club. Run by Kitty Pryde, one of our friendlier and brighter students, it promises to fill the void that I personally have been feeling, which is for us to finally get something resembling ballet in this town. Good on you, Kitty. Don't forget to save me a seat for the first recital.

DANCE CLUB LAUNCHES
By Angela Chase

A new dance club will offer an outlet for students with an interest in all forms of dance.

The club is being started by Kitty Pryde, 14. Kitty says she’s been interested in dance since she was very young. "I've been dancing practically my whole life, and I missed it. Maybe if we can show there's some interest, we could get a dance teacher out here. Or, if not, at least we can keep up with our exercises'" she said.

While Kitty’s specialty is ballet, the club is open to dancers from all disciplines. It has already attracted five members, and is still looking for more. Meetings will be held in the dance room at the gym Tuesdays after school. Given enough interest, recitals are a future possibility.

For more information, contact Kitty Pryde in the East Attic.

IRINA DEREVKO
Callisto

Guardian of student-turned-cat-turned-student-again Julian Sark, Irina Derevko chose to send Julian to Fandom High due to its reputation for academic excellence. The former government official, who currently works in the private research sector, finds the school to be holding up that reputation very well, and despite the unfortunate cat incident, she believes that the teaching staff here at Fandom High are helping Julian to achieve a good level of progress.

Derevko has great faith in the school administration, in particular Dean Bristow, and security Rover, who she describes as unusual but effective. She says that she looks forward to her next visit with great anticipation.

TRINA ECHOLLS
Jake Gavin jr

Trina Echolls, sister to Fandom High's Logan Echolls, graciously took time away from her busy acting career to visit Fandom High, and to answer a few questions about her impressions of the school.

"Well, as I'm sure you're aware, Logan's had a rough time over the last couple of years. As his older sister, I try to be both role model and friend to Logan," she said. "Like my character in Deep Sea
Wonders said, 'Family is important.'"

When asked about the school, Echolls commented, "It's a charming place! You folks have gone all out
for Halloween. I admire the costumes. Do you have a stage make-up class here? And this castle is adorable! Do you know if it's available for location shoots?" When asked about any negative impressions of the school, Echolls explained that she didn't have any. "I feel that hatred is a wasted emotion. It's much
more productive to channel your negative emotions into positive channels."

She was also quick to point out that anyone attending the school who might pass for her must not be actually mistaken for her. "Well, if she's a student, she'd have to be younger, wouldn't she? I've
been out of high school for a couple of years now." In the end, Echolls promised to come back and visit again - as long as her brother makes sure there's soy milk in the fridge.

OBI-WAN KENOBI
Rory Gilmore

So, what do you do if you’re from a galaxy far, far away and it’s Parents’ Weekend?

Why, you invited your old Master, of course!

Young Jedi Anakin Skywalker was visited this weekend by his former teacher, Obi-Wan Kenobi. Mr. Kenobi hails from what he believes is another dimension, and had been teaching young Mr. Skywalker the ways of the Jedi before Anakin came here.

According to Mr. Kenobi, Jedi are, “…those who are born with a slightly different...awareness of the universe. We can sense the living energy of creation, and use it to seek enlightenment and help others."

When asked if it’s possible that there are Jedi on Earth, Kenobi replied, "It's entirely possible, [t]hough I don't really know what effects the dimensional differences have."

Mr. Kenobi returned home Sunday evening ~~after much snuggling~~ and purportedly enjoyed his visit.

LOGAN
Veronica Mars

Interview with Logan – Rogue's ~~boyfriend?~~ ~~keeper?~~ guardian.

VM: Thanks for agreeing to this interview, Mr. Logan.

L: It's just Logan.

VM: Oh...okay. What was your first impression of Fandom High?

L: Not safe.

VM: Why is that? We have an excellent on campus security system.

L: If it's so excellent, why was Ma...Rogue fighting zombies?

VM: Well, that was an unusual circumstance and injuries were minimal.

L: And why weren't guardians notified of the danger their students were in?

VM: I...don't know. Did you enjoy the activities that were planned for this weekend?

L: Went to a stupid party and got attacked by vines.

VM: Are you referring to the Halloween Ball at Efferton Manor?

L: I guess. Big, creepy ass house with vines that attacked us in the graveyard.

VM: You did know it was a haunted house, right?

L: No. Why did they build a high school in a town with a haunted house?

VM: I don't know. What are your thoughts on the educational curriculum here at Fandom High?

L: I think it's crazy that Rogue is doing assignments that are encouraging kids to have unprotected sex.

VM: Oh, I worked on that project with her. It was a parody...a joke. We were trying to scare the kids into using condoms with humor.

L: Yeah, well, I think it was a bad joke.

VM: So it sounds like you didn't enjoy your weekend here.

L: I didn't say that.

VM: So you did enjoy your weekend?

L: Parts of it.

VM: Which parts?

L: None of your business, blondie. Are we done?

VM: I suppose. Thanks for your time, Mr... um... Logan.

SYDNEY LAVERT AND BODYGUARDS
Rory Gilmore

This past weekend, Miss Parker was visited by her godfather (who only called himself "Sydney") as well as two very large and dangerous-looking men, who I did not have the pleasure of formally meeting.

'Sydney', a developmental psychologist who specializes in dealing with gifted children, showed exuberance over the entire event. "[I've] enjoyed it very much, and the diversity level is amazing."

Before I cold ask what was meant by that, Parker's godfather was swept away again by their large friends.

Perhaps I'll get to know next Parents' Weekend.

It's perhaps unsurprising that we've very little to report this week. With Parent's Weekend, most couples were on their best behavior-either pretending not to be a couple or pretending to be an innocent couple. We trust Fandom will return to its regularly scheduled shippiness and shippiMess next week.

Though there were a few instances of students ~~Chloe~~ having UST with guardian types ~~Lex~~, the big PW was remarkably tame in that regard. Emo-Anakin seemed, for the most part, less emo with his guardian Obi-Wan around.

The one ~~printable~~ notable exception to the student-guardian good behavior comes from a surprising quarter. Over dinner, Rogue and her guardian, the predatory Logan – just Logan – shared a number of significant glances, and Logan was heard, several times, by a certain blonde, to slip and call Rogue "Ma-" before catching himself and finishing with "Rogue". Whatever can "Ma" be short for? There may also have been rumors of kissing, but rumors of kissing have been known to be entirely false, so we're not saying it happened.

Co-Security Officer Alanna, on the other hand, very visibly disappeared with a young man who'd come to visit for more than half the night on Friday. One hopes this is the same young man she'd been missing at Homecoming. But if it wasn't, still, good for her! Maia also seems to have gotten over her recent break-up and found happiness in the eyes and arms of her visitor, reportedly named Shawn.

Speaking of visitors, the doughty Widow Twanky made a big splash on the Fandom scene. Particularly with a swooning spell which left her secure in the arms of a handsome older gentleman with excellent arms. The same gentleman was seen hugging at least one other, younger person, as well as emo-glowering.

The gentleman's impressive glaring may or may not be related to Lee Adama's apparent fury at Samuel Anders. Which also may or may not be related to the fact that Spitfire Cally hasn't slept in her own room for about two weeks. Which in turn may or may not be related to red and blue buckets.

Taking a break from the happy-happy-joy-joy this week, Mssrs. Phale and Crowley were heard to be arguing over the shop on Friday evening. Later both Phale and Crowley were seen in conversation with Professor Tara. They must've been seeking relationship advice. What other reason could they have for spending so much time with Tara?

Also in a departure from their normal mode, Rory and Logan have been exceedingly cute this week. Maybe it's left over from the bunniness, because that was omg so cute. If they keep it up, they may move into a position to rival our other saccharine duos. But we're not holding our collective breaths.

Both O'Neill and Carter have seemed pretty damned chipper this week. Word has it they've been seen together, out and about town, so maybe that's why?

In the 'a little creepy' category, Angelus has been positively glowing this week. The picture of health and vitality, and quite large with the generosity ~~in not killing certain people~~. Between the unusually good moods and the mysterious sketching, he was spotted being snuggly with a new blonde in town. Even with the goodwill, we're not at all tempted to speculate as to the connection.

Finally, Shipping News would like to set the record straight. Any rumors you may have heard about Belthazor and a certain blonde are ~~almost~~ completely exaggerated and shouldn't be believed. Belthazor is entirely faithful to his Bright One. And the blonde in question has more than enough relationship complications without getting in the middle of that.

Lastly, we congratulate Callynanders on being chosen "Most Saccharine Couple." They’ll be receiving some special prize from us...just as soon as we figure out what that is.

See you in seven!

HORRORSCOPES
Skiffees - Do not anger Canadians, for they can probably kill you with their minds.
Koufee uhdiiktses - Keep far from the devil-brew of injustice.
Otie You-Rin - Beware the diabetic coma in this sugary pond of life.
Touwinees - In a choice between the brain-consuming and the heart-consuming which would you rather give up?
Tawinz - Some things cannot be unseen.
Iiimoke Ids - Grey skies are gonna clear up, put on a happy face.
Een Somnii Ahcts - The King of all thought is a bitter enemy. Indeed.
Staw Kars - Telepathy is not a guaranteed form of cooperation.
Mowlitiepoll kareekters - It is a wonderful thing to have the ability to speak at your own funeral.
Vuher Gens - The few, the proud.
Skube Eeiez - When someone pulls at their leashes hard enough they will break.

Coffee Pin-Up

credits:
editors: Chloe Sullivan & Jake Gavin jr
layout: Chloe Sullivan
words: Jake Gavin jr, George Lass, Phoebe Halliwell, Angelus, Angela Chase, Callisto, Rory Gilmore, Veronica Mars, Beka Valentine
pictures: Jake Gavin jr, Chloe Sullivan, Google
coffee pin-up artist: Natalie the Coffee Hound

THE FANDOM HIGHTIMES: FOURTH ISSUE!

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