THE FANDOM HIGHTIMES: Volume 5, Second Edition!

[not-a-mused.livejournal.com]

EDITOR'S LETTER:
Dear Reader,

That was an...interesting week, wasn't it? I'm sure some of the recently male-afflicted females would claim that they were fine with it, that they welcomed the intriguing difference between their legs, and, to them, I simply point out that there's a lot of people who usually have that there who'd be happy to let you get more familiar with it. To the girls who were glad it occurred for only a day, I cannot blame them at all. We're teenagers. We're already awkward enough with our own skin and sexuality without having to bother with comprehending entirely different ones all together. I heard, however, that there was some party that helped soothe over all wounds. We're a supportive community like that.

Of course, now it's time to worry about the next big trauma, but at least this one is a little more predictable: Parents' Weekend.

Don't get me wrong. I am not afraid to admit that I love my mom. She's the only parent I have left, and a damn fine one at that. But that doesn't change the fact that she can still manage to find some way to embarrass me in any situation where there are more than five people present. And my mom is incredibly normal. I can't even imagine how it's got to be for some of you with, like, kings and demons or whatever else for parents. Not to mention the collection of siblings and guardians and whatever else there might be.

But look on the bright side: someone else's guest will probably still be more embarrassing than even your own, there shall never be another dull moment, and there'll be another chance to throw a party afterwards to soothe the pain.
--C. Stephanides








What's Going On
by: Joan Girardi

Ed. Note: The editor would like to commend Ms. Girardi for seeming to actually write news. He generally thinks news has no business being a newspaper, but will include it anyway.

Fandom High students got to experience the democratic process in action last week with the election of our new student council. Congratulations to all the new representatives, especially Turtle Wexler, Student Council President.

The council dove right in to work, planning Parent's Weekend at their first meeting. That's right, folks. Next Friday our island will be overrun by something more frightening than zombies, harpies or vampires: our parents. Time to start cleaning our rooms, sucking up to our teachers and praying that the island won't throw anything too wacky at us while they're here. At least if you're like me, from a world where magic and monsters are simply the things of fairy tales, with parents who are utterly clueless about the way things are in Fandom.

Clueless about things like this past Wednesday, when about ninety percent of the female population of the island woke up to find themselves male. I know that it freaked out a lot of people, but personally I kind of enjoyed getting a chance to see how the other half lives. The only way it would be better is if it suddenly offered insight into why the opposite sex does some of the things they do.

All I can say is at least the island didn't get cute and flip our genders next weekend. Always look on the bright side.




The Tarot Journey for Beginners
by Eleanor Robinson

Ed. note: The editor cannot help but think that there is some subtle suggestion in that this is the article Ms. Robinson churned out after meeting with the editor to discuss potential articles...


With light step, as if earth and its trammels had little power to restrain him, a young man pauses at the brink of a precipice among the great heights of the world; he surveys the blue distance before him, its expanse of sky rather than the prospect below. The edge which opens on the depth has no terror for him; as if it was not even there. His countenance is full of expectant dream. The sun, which shines behind him, knows whence he came, whither he is going, and how he will return by another path after many days. He is the spirit in search of experience.

Thus we come upon the first card of the Tarot deck, The Fool, and as such it represents the beginning of something. The Fool can represent the desire for rebirth, the making of a new start to life, but with the provision that the future path is not mapped out. The Fool is Nothing and Everything. It is the Empty set that contains all within.

The Fool is about avoiding the common path that everyone treads. It is finding and exploring new viewpoints, new ideas, beliefs or views. It represents a wisdom that shocks the listener into new states of consciousness. The Fool is in an indescribable state of consciousness that works on impulse. It can never allow an external influence - everything is from within.

When the Fool struggles, there are problems changing to a new path - nothing new seems possible. In the past, there are regrets over a new start that never materialised. It is almost impossible to predict exactly what will happen, and not based upon what has gone before. The Fool defies rationality or logic.

The Fool is associated with fertility and the primal energy of Spring with the connotations of birth, rebirth, and transformation.

Folly, mania, extravagance, intoxication, delirium, frenzy.

Reversed Card meanings
Negligence, absence, distribution, carelessness, apathy, nullity, vanity.







Cooking Made Easy
by Hoshi Sato

Ed. Note: It should be noted that Ms. Sato's recipes should be used for eating, not throwing at people, as funny as that would be.

This was pretty popular when I was making it earlier in the week, and it seems easy enough for anyone to make. But if it does give you any trouble, let me know and I'll make it with you.

Easy Banana Pudding
Ingredients
- 1 large pkg instant vanilla pudding, (6 ounces)
- 2 1/2 cups cold milk
- 1 can sweetened condensed milk, (14 ounces)
- 1 container whipped topping, (16 ounces)
- sliced bananas
- vanilla wafer cookies

Mix pudding mix and milk, and condensed milk. Blend well, then fold in half the whipped topping.

Alternate layers of pudding, bananas and vanilla wafers. Top with remaining whipped topping. Place in the refrigerator overnight before serving, if you can wait that long.

[OOC: Once again, recipe taken from someone who does it better than me]









Horoscopes
by Yakko Warner

Ed. Note: If you find issue with the dilegently researched advice that Mr. Warner has to offer, the editor suggests you consider Pisces, because that's where you can shove it.

Aries
March 21 - April 20
When you wish upon a star, it makes no difference who you are, your wish will be granted in the order in which it was received.

Taurus
April 21 - May 21
I'd stay away from any blockbuster movies if I were you. Because if I were you, I wouldn't enjoy them at all. But since I'm me, I'll enjoy it quite a bit. But I do laugh real loud and throw popcorn when I really like a movie, which might cause other people not to like them. But don't blame me if you go to a movie and don't enjoy it. I warned you.

Gemini
May 22 - June 22
LOOK OUT! BEHIND YOU!

Cancer
June 23 - July 23
Marsupials have pouches. You are not a marsupial, so you'll have to deal with pockets on your pants or perhaps a jacket. Please note, children do not usually fit in pockets.

Leo
July 24 - August 23
The world is gonna roll you. You're not the sharpest tool in the shed. Now you can tell people that somebody once told you that and then you can see if anyone remembers Smash Mouth.

Virgo
August 24 - September 23
Stop standing behind Gemini. They're onto you.

Libra
September 24 - October 23
Have a cough drop. You're going to need it.

Scorpio
October 24 - November 22
The crow flies at midnight. The knight crows in the middle. The middle knight is a crow. Take those sentences and use them wisely.

Saggitarius
November 23 - December 21
Reply hazy. Try again later.

Capricorn
December 22 - January 20
Ru blf xzm ivzw gsrh, blf ziv tllw zg hrnkov kfaaovh.

Aquarius
January 21 - February 19
Monday promises to be a chilly day. Wear long sleeves.

Pisces
February 20 - March 20
The moon rises in Uranus. GOOD NIGHT EVERYBODY!







Ed. Note: This paper waives all responsibilities for an injuries or brain breakage that occur in the attempts to understand half of Mr. Merlin's typing. The editor knows that it is his job to correct such things, but could not bring himself to morally destroy such beauty and art.

Goode tHings of the 21st Century
by MERLIN

Onne of the best things of this age that i have found is the cellular phone. Soo! Fore those who do nott know about how to use it, I will be helping learne a bit more of the faces!!

Insted of wrtting something out, you cann just use a little face. It saves time fore alle involved!

:) happy!
:( sad
;) i think it's winking
:D very happy?
D: very sad. this may be a confusing onne because it is bakwards!
:p that's a razberry!
>:( angry! it has eyebroows!

That is alle I know, but if you have more plese let me know at 555-MRLN!



Coffee Pin-Up



Cute Kitten Picture




credits:

editor: Cal Stephanides
words: Joan Girardi, Merlin, Eleanor Robinson, Hoshi Sato, Cal Stephanides, Yakko Warner
pictures: The fabulous Chloe Sullivan, the amazing Rory Gilmore, the marvelous Peter Parker, the effervescent Rikku, and the middling Cal Stephanides
adviser: Ghanima Atreides

Questions? Concerns? Got a hot tip? Send a letter to the editor: letters.fhightimes@fandomhigh.edu!

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Comments

[blondecanary.livejournal.com]

Dinah giggled through the whole paper, though she was disappointed Demosthenes hadn't written; then again, he or she would probably get great fodder in a week or so with Parents' Weekend. Also the editorial bits were priceless.