fhightimes | THE FANDOM HIGHTIMES: Volume 4, Seventeenth Edition!

RIKKU SPEAKS:

So let's see. Since the last issue of the paper, we were invaded by harpies, all the students turned into kids for a weekend, and I just found out my boyfriend is a chocobo. Only in Fandom, right?

(If you don't know what a chocobo is -- since lots of people come from worlds that don't have them, which is sad because they are cute!!! -- then it's a large two-legged bird that can fly, but usually sticks to the ground. You can ride them or use them to transport stuff from one place to another. They like to eat greens and they make the most adorable noises and -- you know? This gives me an idea. Anyway.)

But that's just it. This is a totally normal week as far as Fandom's concerned, and anywhere else, it'd be a sign that you were using drugs or had hit your head on something. How are we all going to adjust once we leave? Life's going to seem boring when you can go for weeks at a time without using sentences like, "I'm sorry that I beat you up while we both had amnesia" or "It's okay, your girlfriend will turn back into a human sooner or later. Keep some clothes handy."

I don't know if I'm going to be more relieved or bored. Maybe we should start up an alumni support group.

Don't Look Up!
by Lee Adama

Unless you were living under a rock last week, you most likely looked up and saw some shrieking, smelly, ugly, gross birds with talons sharper than most knives. Welcome to Fandom, right? This type of thing happens all the time, right? Even for those of us who are used to that sort of thing, giant birds who like to fling poop are still a bit of a wake up call. Most things that try and invade this place are focused on fighting and conquering, not making us all smell like we just had a portable toilet dumped on us.

Of course, like all invasions, the denizens of Fandom got out their guns, swords, knives, slingshots, bombs, fists or whatever else they might use to fight and stomped out to meet the stinking birds. Some people had fun, some people did it out of duty and some people just wanted poop to stop being flung at their windows. Nobody wants to make Fosse clean that crap up, right? The poor guy does enough for us. And he was probably already cursing our names for having to clean up bird carcasses and leftover poop. Guy needs a raise. Give Fosse a raise! He deserves it!

But, back to the matter at hand. As we all can see, we're not under the rule of poop flinging birds so they were repelled and sent back to wherever they came from. The island was a bit messy, the people were a bit tired but that's a typical for us, right? And really, it could have been far worse than we what got. We've had it light so far.

Those birds could have been amorous, after all. Poo and love? They do not go together. Ew.

Ever wanted to ride a real, live chocobo? Feed one greens? Scritch his neck? Now you can! Taking appointments for interested riders, feeders, and petters, starting at $5. (Good, services, bribery and/or blackmail happily accepted in place of cash; ask the chocobo trainer for details.) Call 555-ALBD!

by Warren Peace

Milk and cookies.

Milk and freaking cookies.

I had so many cookies and so much milk this weekend that I think the next time Fandom decides to go crazy on me, it's going to turn me into either a cow, or that walking Oreo cookie mascot that they had on TV back when I really was a kid. The one they made all those wire-skeleton bendy toys of at one point. That thing kind of scared me.

... But they were fun to melt. I was a maladjusted kid, really. And not much about that has changed.

It isn't really news by now that so many members of the student body revisited their youth this weekend, and I'm willing to bet that a few of us rediscovered some sort of simple pleasure we liked to partake in when we were little. For me, it was milk and cookies. For someone else it might have been drawing robots in a frying pan with chocolate syrup, or playing with an action figure of their favorite Japanese martial-arts superhero sci-fi series.

And then Monday hit, and we were all left trying to forget the events of the weekend while scrubbing mud and pancake batter out of our hair and out of places we had forgotten we even had.

But you know what? I think I still like milk and cookies. It's silly and childish, and I haven't bothered mucking around with food quite that way since I was little. I probably won't be seven again tomorrow, but I don't think that's going to stop me from letting myself be a bit of a big kid now and again.

So, why not, Fandomites? What did you like doing as a kid? Set aside some time now and again to color with crayons or make a mudpie just for the hell of it. A little immaturity now and again is probably therapeutic, and most likely better for you than picking up a nasty drug habit or something.

Oh, and Buffy? Thanks for turning on the stove for me. I probably would have ended up burning down the dorms if you didn't.

And for now, I'll just shut my flaming trap.

Pisces
February 20 - March 20
When you share the secret of your surprise appendage, anticipate there being tears.

Aries
March 21 - April 20
You can sense that things are going to get busier, but you're ready for the action. Mainly because you are a tramp.

Taurus
April 21 - May 21
Getting time to yourself is difficult today - your popularity is at a record high. Good call lowering the price of a hit.

Gemini
May 22 - June 22
Someone has been preaching at you for too long. Tell them to leave you alone today or they get no discounted BJ.

Cancer
June 23 - July 23
Coworkers are suddenly fascinating and your curiosity about their bedroom skills is undeniable.

Leo
July 24 - August 23
You're full of good energy that will carry you over any pettiness that might erupt after hearing your rates.

Virgo
August 24 - September 23
Put your life first today. Free yourself from the dramas in other people's lives.

Libra
September 24 - October 23
Seek out what you enjoy today - enjoying sex is as good of a purpose as any.

Scorpio
October 24 - November 22
Devote your intense concentration to anything you do today that involves money.

Saggitarius
November 23 - December 21
Whatever confusion your dreams of being the best crack dealer on the block have been causing will start to clear up today.

Capricorn
December 22 - January 20
You love to be organized, but sometimes structure can be overrated. Loosen up today and lose the pimp.

Aquarius< /b>
January 21 - February 19
New members of your social group are starting to have a big effect on dynamics. It's that pimp dude again. See?

Coffee Pin-Up

credits:

editor: Rikku
words: Lee Adama, Toby Moraitis, Warren Peace, Rikku
pictures: The fabulous Chloe Sullivan, the amazing Rory Gilmore, the marvelous Peter Parker, and the humble Rikku
adviser: Ghanima Atreides

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THE FANDOM HIGHTIMES: Volume 4, Seventeenth Edition!

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