THE FANDOM HIGHTIMES: Volume 4, Eighth Edition!

[the_merriest]

RIKKU SPEAKS:

We all like karaoke. We all like drinking. So you're probably thinking to yourself, "hey, I'll get drunk and then do some karaoke. What could go wrong?" Everything.

Number one: when you are drunk, your speech is slurred. So your singing is going to be off. And some of us don't sing that great to begin with, so this is not going to be a pleasant experience for the audience, or anyone (sober) with working ears.

Number two: when you are drunk, your inhibitions are lowered. This means you might start grinding up against the microphone stand, which earns you really weird looks from the zombies. Do you really want that? Really?

Number three: when you are drunk, your motor skills are kinda shaky. Which means all of that grinding isn't even going to be very coordinated. The only thing worse than getting freaked-out looks from the zombies are the looks that kinda say, "Pfft. I could do better than that."

Lastly: when you are drunk, your judgment is really bad. So you think things like, "I want to get up on stage and sing songs about kissing girls and wearing short skirts. Hey, I should make sure my mentor comes along, too!"

So what does this mean? You'll wake up the next morning hungover, and with full, rich memories of the many ways in which you embarrassed yourself. What sort of morning is that!

Don't let this happen to you. Don't drink and sing. And if you do drink and sing, at least make sure you're hammered enough that you won't probably remember it.







The Secret Art of Gift Giving
by Lee Adama

As you all probably noticed, the holidays are here. It's getting colder, school work's getting harder to (because, really, there are so many other things to do) and things are starting to twinkle. No, I don't mean Toby's pecs in the bright sunlight. I mean the holiday lights, the wreaths, the glint in someone's eye when they receive that special gift.

What's that you say? You don't have any idea what to get your special someone for the holidays? Now, the easiest answer is gift cards. You can't go wrong with a gift card. I so wish Caprica had gift cards. It would've made our holidays that much easier if I could have pawned off a piece of plastic at my dad and been done with it. But, that's not very intimate, it's not personal and it really probably won't get you anything in return (*wink wink*) unless it's a really good gift card.

So, let's think about this, shall we? Tattoos of your significant others name on your body? Probably not a good idea. Yeah, you might say you're gonna be together forever now but there's no way to know that. Something alive? It might work but I'd check with your SO before you go buying that turtle. Or bunny. And no, if my SO calls you, Pride's not for sale. Nice clothing is always a good, jewelry is great and a framed picture of you? I think that actually might be my favorite especially if your SO is long distance like mine is. While it may be cheap, it's intimate and it's also personable. If you haven't seen your SO in awhile, a picture can show them that you haven't gotten a godawful haircut or aren't succumbing to some cruddy fashion trends.

Above all, try to make it personal. Don't get something just because it's cool or expensive. Get something you know he or she wants or likes or will love. Don't get something you love in hopes your SO will let you use it. That's cheap. And tacky. Let your SO know that you know them by giving them something that will make their eyes light up after they get all that gift wrapping off.

Oh, and never ever get your SO anything that has anything to do with one of your exes. That's certain doom right there.



by Warren Peace

Another good week. What's up with that, anyhow? I have a date Wednesday, and there is nothing the matter with hot chocolate or fire being a major showcase on every television screen. And so you get to read a Flaming Trap article about- and here's where I take a random glance around my half of the dorm room and pick something on the fly- dirty socks.

What is up with dirty socks, anyhow?

Okay, we all know what's up with dirty socks. You wear them, and then they cease to be clean. Not just because they've been worn, but because they've been on your stinking, nasty foot, soaking up whatever oozes out from between your toes and then stewing in your shoe all day. Or all week. Month. Year. Whatever.

And then we peel them off of our feet, and we toss them on the floor. The floor we walk on, yes. Also, the same floor that you yell "Ten second rule!" at every time you drop a nacho chip on it.

We have laundry hampers for a reason, people.

Or, better still, we have incinerators for a reason. And, judging by the socks I've seen in gymnasium changerooms all through my years of schooling, people just aren't using those incinerators frequently enough.

And for now, because I can only rant so much about socks, I'll just shut my flaming trap.



by Rikku

I had this really fun idea, and I hope you all think it's neat, too! See, this week, we're gonna pull a sentence out of everybody else's articles, and translate them, so that you can see what they'd be like in Al Bhed!! Isn't that neat!? Okay, let's go!

You'll wake up the next morning hungover, and with full, rich memories of the many ways in which you embarrassed yourself. (This one's mine!)
Oui'mm fyga ib dra haqd sunhehk rihkujan, yht fedr vimm, nelr sasuneac uv dra syho fyoc eh frelr oui aspynnyccat ouincamv.

Let your SO know that you know them by giving them something that will make their eyes light up after they get all that gift wrapping off. (Thanks, Lee!!)
Mad ouin cekhevelyhd udran ghuf dryd oui ghuf dras po kejehk dras cusadrehk dryd femm syga draen aoac mekrd ib yvdan drao kad ymm dryd kevd fnybbehk uvv.

We have laundry hampers for a reason, people. (Thanks, Warren!!)
Fa ryja myihtno rysbanc vun y naycuh, baubma.

It might even help pay for your treatments. (Thanks, Toby!!)
Ed sekrd ajah ramb byo vun ouin dnaydsahdc.

Oops! I hope it's okay that I just gave away one of the sentences of Toby's article? Maybe it's a sneak-preview? Coming next: TOBY'S HOROSCOPES!! Consider it a spoiler!!! See you all next time!






Saggitarius
November 23 - December 21
It's so not hard to impress powerful people. You've got the package it takes, just use it.

Capricorn
December 22 - January 20
Dude, just because numbers pop up in weird patterns doesn't mean you should pull a Nicolas Cage and find destruction in them. It's called coincidence, okay?

Aquarius
January 21 - February 19
When someone gives you a present, don't scoff at their cheapness, be like, happy they remembered you exist and put out. It's the right thing to do.

Pisces
February 20 - March 20
During class you'll dream of a better future. One where the Hot Toddy is a dude in a smoking jacket just itching to smoke your pipe. If you wish it, you can make it so numba one.

Aries
March 21 - April 20
Y'all are always getting with new people with really good ideas about how to have a good time. Listen up and remember: snack foods and sex do not mix.

Taurus
April 21 - May 21
Power struggles just lead to someone pulling a knife. Watch your back and consider not getting into it this time around.

Gemini
May 22 - June 22
When a suggestion is good, take it. Duh. Even if it goes against your gut, like if someone suggests you eat a dozen donuts or something. Just remember to do extra crunches to make up for it.

Cancer
June 23 - July 23
If you push for it, you can earn a lot of money as a prostitute. It might even help pay for your treatments. Chemo is expensive.

Leo
July 24 - August 23
Your ego is HUGE like your manmeat. Your name is likely Kevin. Prepare for disappointment when you talk to idiots with "egos" like yours.

Virgo
August 24 - September 23
Keep an open mind when people say weird stuff. In this town, they're likely not lying and you'll find out some really good gossip.

Libra
September 24 - October 23
You're getting a clue about someone close. Looks like things are improving in the dating arena. Smile more and everything'll be okay.

Scorpio
October 24 - November 22
Communicating with your family may be difficult. Your feelings are very complicated and like, dirty.



Coffee Pin-Up






credits:

editor: Rikku
words: Lee Adama, Toby Moraitis, Warren Peace, Rikku
pictures: The fabulous Chloe Sullivan, the amazing Rory Gilmore, the marvelous Peter Parker, and the humble Rikku
adviser: Ghanima Atreides

Questions? Concerns? Got a hot tip? Send a letter to the editor: letters.fhightimes@fandomhigh.edu!