fhightimes | THE FANDOM HIGHTIMES: VOLUME 3, 7th EDITION!

PETER SPEAKS:

A lot has happened around these parts since our last issue. We lost a young student to a horrible illness that was later cured before anyone else died, many people became future versions of themselves, people went home for Thanksgiving, and some people may have had bizarre transformations.

Simply put, Fandom's been busy recently.

Here's hoping for a brief respite as we head out of November. It's not terribly likely, but we can hope.

A FINAL NOTE ON THANKSGIVING
by Cher Horowitz

My original assignment was to write about turkey vs. tofurkey in a cagematch. And then I had to look up what "tofurkey" was because it didn't sound like a real thing. And then I decided that it was silly to write on that sort of topic, but that there was a greater need to be addressed, such as your fellow man, and whether they have a preference for either.

So a few Thanksgivings ago, my dad had this wife who was a Vegan, and we were dragged over to her place for the festivities, like we wanted to be there or something. Anyway, I don't know if you've ever had a Vegan Thanksgiving? But it wasn't exactly what we were expecting. We were kind of expecting meat. And rolls that didn't taste like cardboard, for instance. (Not just cardboard, either. Evil cardboard. Trust me on this.) And so we had to spend the entire time smiling politely around all these strange people serving us all this strange food. I mean, no offense to any Vegans here, but you have to admit it's an acquired taste, and nothing to spring on unsuspecting guests.

The lesson here, fellow Fandomites, is that it's good to be conscientious of those around you, and remember that everyone is different. People from other planets might not get the turkey thing. If you're going to have an alien at the table, maybe find something that they like. That you can find on this planet. If they have some sort of cultural thing or whatever, maybe find out if there's a way you can include it in your own traditions. Thanksgiving is all about coming together with people you don't hate enough to spend a meal with, so why not show some of that Thanksgiving spirit by letting them be thankful for all your giving?

Also, the tofurkey wouldn't stand a chance in a cagematch.

LOOKING AT MUSIC, BUT NOT DANCING ABOUT WRITING: CD REVIEWS FROM THE FUTURE
By Charlie McGee(s)

[Ed.: The following article seemingly includes information on future events apparently provided by a visitor from the recent 20 year reunion. In order to keep anyone from using these reviews to change the future or make bets with future knowledge, some information has been redacted.]

Okay, with one thing and another, I didn't get a chance to do my CD reviews. Sorry. But I don't know what I was doing Monday night, but when I woke up Tuesday morning, reviews of K.T. Tunstall's "Eye to the Telescope" and Britney's latest "Blackout" were already written and on my desk. Here's a few of the comments:

"It's amazingly catchy, and while I still don't think she deserves that **** ******, I have to admit that "Blackout" delivers more than it misses. 'Gimme More' is a standout, and 'Piece of Me' is one of the better-produced bits of trashy fluff of 2007. That said, most of the hoopla got lost after she ******* Matt *****."

[There's a note here that says: "I'm kidding, Charlie. You know that, right?"]

"K.T. Tunstall's breakout album remains a classic, though, and 'Black Horse and Cherry Tree', 'Miniature Disasters' and 'Other Side of the World' still get enough play in **** for me to say that you won't regret money spent on these downloads and CDs. Which will become ******** with the **** **** of **********, but why spoil the surprise for all of you?" [Ed.: I agree!]

["Oh, and don't skip that Galaxapalooza tour this time, Charlie. You'll regret that for fifteen years."]

So, uh. Thanks. Whoever did my reviews for me.

LEARN TO SPEAK AL BHED
By Rikku

Rammu ykyeh (hello again) and famlusa pylg (welcome back) to another week of "Learn to Speak Al Bhed!" Here are some more interesting phrases that you can learn and use on someone you know. Like me!! Or Lulu!! Both of us speak Al Bhed! Or try them on someone who doesn't, just to confuse them a whole lot!!!!

When I am very drunk, I do not care that I cannot sing.
Frah E ys jano tnihg, E tu hud lyna dryd E lyhhud cehk.

The jail in Fandom is much nicer than the jails in Spira.
Dra zyem eh Fandom ec silr helan dryh dra zyemc eh Spira.

Last week, I thought I was [ thirty-five / thirty-six / thirty-seven / thirty-eight ]. (You can pick the one that works for you!!!)
Mycd faag, E druikrd E fyc [ drendo-veja / drendo-ceq / drendo-cajah / drendo-aekrd ].

This Thanksgiving holiday that you have has some awesome food to go with it.
Drec Thanksgiving rumetyo dryd oui ryja ryc cusa yfacusa vuut du ku fedr ed.

Deadpool is still the best mentor ever. (Well, he is!!!)
Deadpool ec cdemm dra pacd sahdun ajan.

Hooray! If you ever want to learn how to say something just let me know and I can put it in next week's paper! (But not anything vulgar 'cause they wouldn't print things like that and I'd probably get detention for trying, okay?!!) Caa oui haqd faag! (See you next week!)

The Fine Print
By Peter Parker

Sorry if anything smells like fish.

Coffee Pin-Up

credits:

editor: Peter Parker
words: Cher Horowitz, Charlie McGee, Peter Parker, Rikku
pictures: The fabulous Chloe Sullivan, the amazing Rory Gilmore, the modest Peter Parker, the great Rikku, and the magnificent Google
adviser: Steve Rogers

Questions? Comments? Complaints? Send a letter to the editor: letters.fhightimes@fandomhigh.edu