fhightimes | THE FANDOM HIGHTIMES: SIXTEENTH EDITION!

LEARN TO SPEAK AL BHED
by Rikku
Hello and welcome to the last week of Learn to Speak Al Bhed! (Rammu yht famlusa du dra mycd faag uv Maynh du Cbayg Al Bhed!) At least, it's the last for this semester. I might keep running the column over the summer, depending on what people think about that. So please let me know if you want to learn more Al Bhed! (Cu bmayca mad sa ghuf ev oui fyhd du maynh suna Al Bhed!)

It is really nice to live somewhere where the Al Bhed are not feared or hated.
Ed ec naymmo hela du meja cusafrana frana dra Al Bhed yna hud vaynat un rydat.

I believe I have learned a great deal this semester.
E pameaja E ryja maynhat y knayd taym drec casacdan.

I cannot wait to see the sights of Spira again!
E lyhhud fyed du caa dra cekrdc uv Spira ykyeh!

Please help me name my robot!
Bmayca ramb sa hysa so nupud!

I am very glad that I came here to Fandom High.
E ys jano kmyt dryd E lysa rana du Fandom High.

As always, please feel free to try out Al Bhed if you're ever speaking to me. And if I don't know you, then I'd love to meet you. Say hi, it's the easiest way to make a new friend! Good luck with your finals! (Kuut milg fedr ouin vehymc!)

THE FUTURES OF OUR SENIORS*
by Peter Parker

With graduation right around the corner, our outgoing seniors have been making plans for the future. I recently interviewed several graduating seniors to see what they're doing post-Fandom High. I also made up answers for one person. See if you can figure out who the fake is.

ANGELA CHASE:
Plans for this summer: Working as a hostess at her father's restaurant, hanging out with friends.
Plans for fall: Studying creative writing at New York University.
Where she sees herself in ten years: "I would like to still be in New York, doing something creative that made a difference in the world."

JACK HARKNESS:
Plans for this summer: Training at the Time Agency.
Plans for fall: More training at the Time Agency. It takes a while to become an agent, after all.
Where he sees himself in ten years: "Living the life that I was always meant to be living. But I'll be just as sexy as I am now."

MARTY BLANK:
Plans for this summer: Infiltrating the royal court of Bulgaria in an attempt to stage a coup and become Court Jester.
Plans for fall: Getting kicked out of Bulgaria, applying jester skills to be a mime in New York.
Where he sees himself in ten years: "I will be the greatest mime the world has ever seen! I mean, ... [silence]."

SKANK ZERO HOPELESS-SAVAGE:
Plans for this summer: Staying in Fandom for a little bit, then heading back home to prepare for college.
Plans for fall: Learning a trade at the University of Southern California film school.
Where she sees herself in ten years: "Here at Fandom." [For the ten year reunion, of course.]

TORI HANSON:
Plans for this summer: Staying in Fandom to help with workshops.
Plans for fall: Obligations at home.
Where she sees herself in ten years: "I see myself teaching at the middle school in my hometown. As well as an instructor at the martial arts school at home. And if that doesn't work out? A pro surfer."

And what of our underclassmen? Where will they be? Nobody cares this close to graduation. Ask again in a couple weeks.

And that's it from me this year. You've been a lovely crowd!

*[Except that of my editor, Rory Gilmore, who is really boring and will be here all summer, so you can just ask her yourself. Okay, Peter didn't write that, but that's what I imagine he'd say. - RG]

In honor of the coming of the end of the term, we decided to gather the best and the brightest. Or at least, the shortest and funniest. We solemnly promise you that we're not just running a clip show because we're burned out on finals. Plus, we already know that these have some impact, right?

So we hereby bring you the GREATEST HITS OF ASTROLOGY WEEKS PAST!

ARIES (March 21-April 19):
Anything is possible so long as you have fire. And Aries always have fire, because it's in their sign element. So you can do anything! You're like a superhero. As long as you don't doubt yourself or let other people doubt you. That must be your critical weakness. Totally watch for that.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20):
Sometimes you wonder why others feel the need to go to extremes. Now you have the answer. (They're out to get you. -A) [I knew it! -R] Some strong cosmic impulses are pushing you to your limits, and to your surprise, you love it. Enjoy this energy. Just try not to get detention or anything, 'kay? (Or if you do? Make sure it's for something interesting. -A) [And let us watch. -R]

GEMINI (May 21-June 21):
So, you're gonna meet a guy today and he's gonna have a dog. It's a nice dog. You should pet it, it's friendly. Aren't dogs neat?

CANCER (June 22-July 22):
Grease splatter burns can hurt like heck. If you're not ready to move on, you're not ready, so don't force yourself. Let your feelings exist. They'll be over and done with before you know it. You will fry again. We believe in you.

LEO (July 23-August 22):
In 'The Purloined Letter,' an ingenious thief hides his crime right under everyone's noises. It could be that the solution to one of your conundrums has been in the most obvious place all along. We told you to check under the bed, didn't we? (Or the refrigerator. Actually, sock drawer. That's where all the good things hide. -A) [Now I'm gonna go check mine. -R]

VIRGO (August 23-September 22):
The same-old same-old isn't gonna do it, you have to go for what's new and different. It's risky but it's gonna have a big payoff, I guess, or else they wouldn't tell you to do it. And don't start thinking this another one of those kinky ones, because her notes totally said it's a work deal.

LIBRA (September 23-October 22):
Your card for this week is: Princess of Pentacles. There's a little girl with long hair in a long dress looking all innocent and sweet with flowers in her hair. Your inner-child is about to take over. Stay away from the candy.

SCORPIO (October 23-November 21):
If anyone knows how to go the distance, it's you. People marvel at your stamina, and it's true -- right now you feel like you could go on forever. Just remember that you are, in fact, human. [Not necessarily. -R] (Point. -A) Take a rest afterward because there are some injuries that are a touch too embarrassing to take to the clinic. [Wait, is this one about sex? It is, isn't it? -R] (…You just figured that out? -A)

SAGITTARIUS (November 22-December 21):
Fancy cars, good clothes and big houses all get pushed as the secret of happiness, but that's just not the case. (They forgot sharp swords. -A) [And bombs! -R] Learning to be happy is a process. Part of that process is having appropriate expectations. It's time somebody told you: the Car Fairy doesn't exist. (Oh, snap! -A)

CAPRICORN (December 22-January 19):
Some mornings you bounce out of bed, ready for action -- or ready to create it, if necessary. [Is this another sex one? -R] Other mornings, you bounce out of bed and off of the ceiling. Everyone wants to be in on your plans right now. Or in your pants. [See, I knew it! -R] You've got the right stuff when it comes to getting the party started.

AQUARIUS (January 20-February 18):
You will be invaded by your offspring from a possible future existence. Two days later, you will discover that you are both relieved and saddened to see the children leave again.

PISCES (February 19-March 20):
Tacos.

Coffee Pin-Up

credits:
editor: Rory Gilmore
words: Peter Parker, Rikku, Alanna Trebond
pictures: The fabulous Chloe Sullivan, the humble Rory Gilmore, and the magnificent Google
coffee pin-up: http://www.101cookbooks.com/mt-static/images/food/seattle2.jpg