fhightimes | THE FANDOM HIGHTIMES: TWELFTH EDITION

STUCO REPORT
by Peter Parker

We're halfway past the end of the semester, so that means prom, prom, and more prom. This year's theme will be A Night in Venice. From that there was discussion of decorations and other such stuff.

Also, Jamie Madrox - no, sorry, that would be Pippi Longstocking, not Jamie Madrox, really - pestered Professor Lyman.

Also, prom was discussed.

CAN THIS PLEASE HAPPEN? PLEASE?
by Peter Parker [title commentary courtesy of Rory Gilmore]

Fandom is a place of privilege. Not necessarily monetary privilege, but we have strangely colored deer, a lot of people with superpowers, and note-taking squirrels. We are privileged in strange and great ways.

And yet we don't have a lot of ponies. Sure, there is an equine or two around the place, but we have a couple hundred people on the island. There should be more ponies.

I propose a rewards system. Achievements - either academic, athletic, or in service of the community - garner you points that can eventually be traded in for a pony. Given enough time, Fandom will be so full of ponies that we won't be able to walk five yards without somebody complaining about the smell.

And then we can sell the manure for fundraisers. It's win-win.

LEARN TO SPEAK AL BHED
by Rikku

Hello again! Last week two people actually tried speaking some Al Bhed with me! It was so great! The rest of you don't even know what you're missing!!! Don't worry, you can always try it now!!!

I am just a rubber chicken; our love cannot be.
E ys zicd y nippan lrelgah; uin muja lyhhud pa.

Where is the bathroom? It is urgent!
Frana ec dra pydrnuus? Ed ec inkahd!

Help me! I am being chased by fiends!
Ramb sa! E ys paehk lrycat po veahtc!

I like to sing the 'Bork Bork!' song!
E mega du cehk dra 'Bork Bork!' cuhk!

My uncle's pickle is behind my aunt's dresser.
So ihlma'c belgma ec pareht so yihd'c tnaccan.

See?! Wasn't that fun and easy?! You betcha! Languages are all kinds of fun!! Caa oui haqd desa! (See you next time!)

Welcome back! Alanna is finally free from her statued form and so we're ready to kick butt and crank out some horoscopes. There might be a theme in this week's predictions, but we can't seem to place it. But man, are we hungry all of a sudden.

ARIES (March 21-April 19):
A friend may resent the ease with which you attract cupcakes, but it's not your problem. If they want to borrow some, of course you'll share. You don't need to feel guilty about it, though. Cupcakes are guilt-free.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20):
You've got nothing to lose and everything to gain when it comes to stealing someone's doughnuts. In the process, you'll realize how cheap the doughnuts were in the first place. Could it be that you're done with pastry? We recommend cake.

GEMINI (May 21-June 21):
Baking may be a little touch-and-go now, so make sure you double-check those souffles and pies before sending anything out. Taste-testing never killed anybody. It wouldn't hurt to pause a moment or two before you lick the beaters. Seriously? That's gross.

CANCER (June 22-July 22):
Grease splatter burns can hurt like heck. If you're not ready to move on, you're not ready, so don't force yourself. Let your feelings exist. They'll be over and done with before you know it. You will fry again. We believe in you.

LEO (July 23-August 22):
It might feel a little bit awkward and strange as you try new flavors of ice cream this week, but you should realize that change is inevitable. Accept twisty cones, and it will gradually become easier to branch out into Rocky Road. And pistachio? It suits you to a tee.

VIRGO (August 23-September 22):
Feeling insecure about your buffalo wings? Hey, it happens to everyone -- even to assured, confident wings connoisseurs like you. The remedy is simple: be good to your sauces. Indulge in some that renew your body and spirit. Ranch is always an option.

LIBRA (September 23-October 22):
Are you unsure why the same old casseroles keep cropping up in your life? It's a good time to take a break from your current activities and examine what's really going on. Some self-exploration can work wonders. Maybe joining that Casserole Of The Month club wasn't your smartest move.

SCORPIO (October 23 - November 21):
You're not out of tapioca yet -- but almost! Keep a positive attitude and have faith that you'll get through that tapioca mountain just fine. Once you figure out how to time your swallows, you'll be in the clear.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22-December 21):
Everyone's got an opinion (or two or three) about what you should eat next, but only you know what's going to taste best. Ignore everybody's input (which you didn't ask for anyway) and connect with your own taste buds as you revamp your meal plan. When in doubt, choose chocolate.

CAPRICORN (December 22-January 19):
You've got chips and dip, so why doesn't this feel like more of a party? The stars sympathize, but they say you have to get through the main course before you hit a sweet spot. Just hang in there. Dessert is coming.

AQUARIUS (January 20-February 18):
This roughage patch of your recent history is, believe it or not, a great opportunity to learn how to deal with salad dressings for the better. Stop bemoaning your salad-filled fate. Figure out the nutritional lesson in these events. Cake will come another day.

PISCES (February 19-March 20):
Snack and let snack -- that's your mantra right now, and a darn good one, too. Chant it even if you see people going for munchies you think are a little kooky. You'll be glad you took a vow of noninterference. Some people actually like that smelly foot-cheese.

Coffee Pin-Up

credits:
editor: Rory Gilmore
words: Peter Parker, Rikku, Alanna Trebond
pictures: The fabulous Chloe Sullivan, the humble Rory Gilmore, and the magnificent Google
coffee pin-up: http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b179/happo_no_giri/1724958_b93be695e3.jpg