fhightimes | THE FANDOM HIGHTIMES: Volume 4, Twentieth Edition!

RIKKU SPEAKS:

I'm hereby dedicating this week's paper to the gremlins. I know, I've complained about them as much as anyone else, in the past, especially after that time I got bitten and then I -- okay, that's beside the point and not important. But they give this place a real zing, don't they? The venom isn't poisonous, and the bite-marks don't even leave a scar. A few hours of insanity, and you're back to normal again.

How many times have you laughed yourself silly watching a friend embarrass the crap out of himself? Heck, if you keep a camera handy, you can sell all sorts of great footage of people being ridiculous to everyone else. Or, if you're a droid with artistic aspirations, you can make it into a full-length movie and show it at a film festival. Or you can charge a really, really high amount not to sell it to anyone, ever. The blackmail potential is astonishing. It's practically a second line of income, for some people.

Also, obviously, they really came through for the rest of us this week, against the zombies. I would have given a lot more than just my dignity to have everyone back safe and sound. I feel like sending them a gift basket or something, but I don't know what gremlins like (beyond biting people, that is).

So here's to the gremlins, our mascots, our protectors, and a constant thorn in our sides. Thanks, guys.

Zombies Suck
by Lee Adama

Zombies suck.

There's more I could say, more eloquent words I could use but the fact of the matter is, zombies suck. They should stay dead, stay buried and leave the living alone. They got their chance. They need to leave us alone. They had their chance here and it ended and they were hopefully mourned and buried. They had no business coming back to life and terrorizing us just because we're alive. And, while I'm sure they don't give a frakking damn about this, it's just nice to be able to get it out on paper. It's nice to be able to have an outlet for having to beat the crap out of my best friend just so he wouldn't eat my face and make me a zombie. It's nice to have an outlet for the fact that I was covered in guts and body parts and other disgusting things for a good portion of the weekend just because some zombies got sick of their afterlife and wanted some of us.

That, of course, leads into me saying thank you to all those who stepped up and fought, thank you to those that provided medical attention and thank you to those that were just there. It was nice to get my friend back and it was even nicer not to become one of those reanimated corpses. I don't know how the deal that Principal Winchester made will go down but really, she had it right. Is a gremlin bite so bad when compared to a zombie bite? I don't think so. And while I hope to still avoid gremlins, I figure I can make due if something does happen to me.

And just one more thing since I have your attention: since the school was under attack for several days, does that mean we get some extra vacation time? I know I would really appreciate it. It would be most welcome after such a trying weekend. And there are mental and physical injuries to recover from. I think we need this time extra time off. Because, while we may not be actual corpses, we might seem like it when we're sitting in classes this week after the ordeals we had.

by Warren Peace

I've never been gremlin-bitten in my life.

I haven't. And, truth be told, I think I've had enough biting to last me for a long while. There's something about being eaten by dead people that kind of turns you off of that sort of thing.

I'm seriously reconsidering my love of Chinese food, meat, food in general... You'll be likely to see me eating broccoli for a long, long time before you'll catch me with a Whopper in hand. Red meat? Is going to be off the menu forever, I think. I'm pretty sure there are going to be a few people who are thinking much the same.

So, just a few housekeeping notes for those of you around here not in the know. This is Fandom. We can all use the occasional refresher.

1- Avoid the snickerdoodles if you don't like eating people. We don't know for sure what's in those. Keep in mind the cafeteria that they're coming from, here.

2- Respect the gremlins. Those little green things totally saved our lives this weekend. I've never been gremlin bitten, and I'd rather not, but I'd sooner let one of them gnaw on me than, you know, die.

3- There is power in the buddy system. No. Really. Don't be stupid like I was and go outside alone in the middle of an invasion. You might be a superhero, but there are a lot more of them than there are of you. Unless you're Madrox.

4- Being eaten hurts. Don't do it.

And for now, I'll just shut my flaming trap.

Coffee Pin-Up

credits:

editor: Rikku
words: Lee Adama, Warren Peace, Rikku
pictures: The fabulous Chloe Sullivan, the amazing Rory Gilmore, the marvelous Peter Parker, and the humble Rikku
adviser: Ghanima Atreides

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