fhightimes | THE FANDOM HIGHTIMES: Volume 4, Fourth Edition!

RIKKU SPEAKS:

I keep getting these weird phone calls. About how I should vote, and how early voting has started in some places, and then someone tells me why I should vote for this guy, or why I really, really need to vote against the other one. Sometimes, it's even a robot calling. (I didn't know robots could make phone calls!)

The thing is, I'm not even a resident, here. Citizen. Whichever it is? I mean, I have a driver's license, but it's fake. I guess I could go vote, but I've never been to Arizona, and I'm not sure I'd know how to find it. And I don't think I understand this election stuff anyway. I mean, I saw one of those debates, but I didn't watch much of it because one of the guys was all grumpy and it was boring.

Turtle and Professor Lyman (who used to teach here) told me that your government isn't really like the government where I'm from. I'm guessing it must not be, because you guys seem all happy about voting, like they're actually going to count your votes or whatever. That's pretty neat, you know? I mean, it's a cool idea, for everyone to get to have a say in it.

So as the editor of the Fandom Hightimes, I want to hereby say congratulations, to either the hot guy or the grumpy dude. Good luck being in charge, may you rule wisely, and please don't turn into a crazy person who burns down villages. Those people suck.

by T. R. Wexler

This Week: Coyote Medicine

In our weekly quest to explore new business on the island, readers, today we are introduced to Coyote Medicine. Located at 55 Minotaur Lane, Coyote Medicine offers more than just what the name suggests. In addition to traditional style medicines, it also offers tribal merchandice, a sweat lodge and a very eccentric owner. Coyote, or, if you're formal, Old Man Coyote, who is from the world of the Children of the Large Beaked Bird, which sounds very cool, apparently has a great many stories about himself, but admits to not being very good at telling them himself. This reporter is respectfully inclined to agree, especially since the story he told me about making the world was a rather horrible disregard for employee rights. I suggest anyone employed at Coyote Medicine keep far away from any ovens, stoves, cooking pots, or seasonings while around their boss!

Despite some questionable ethical practices, Coyote Medicine still offers some interesting services. Supplies and bundles for certain remedies are readily available, or Coyote will make some for you. There are some really neat dreamcatchers and things like that, a bit higher quality than what you might expect to make at summer camp. This reporter is very sure that the sweat lodge is great for people who are into that sort of thing, and is assured by cockroaches that it is very clean. His knowledge of medicine is much deeper than his knowledge of how to tell a good story: he knows many ancient medicines to boost certain traits, including, of personal interest to this reporter, turtle medicine, which, not surprisingly, boosts steadfastness. He also offers spiritual guidance, but, if the ducks are any indication, one might be well-advised to take his guidance with careful consideration, lest their paycheck be a trip to the wrong part of a dinner table.

by Warren Peace

Never in my life have I seen a place with people as different from one another as Fandom. And... I've seen a lot of different people. My last school was a veritable menagerie of big shots and nobodies, bullies and bullied, kids who could fly, shapeshift, move stupidly fast, throw cars, turn into puddles of goo, and do hundreds of other things.

The problem with my last school was that everyone had a worth tacked onto what they could do. The kid who could turn into a giant stone hulk was worth more as a person than the chick who turned into a guinea pig. They'd stick the people with less desirable powers into the sidekick classes, a sort of special education program for the less special kids, and the ones who could throw cars were deemed heroes. It took the sidekicks saving the school for anything to change. The girl who could turn into a guinea pig was more useful than the rock-kid. Puddle-of-goo boy proved his worth while the kid who could run quickly took the bad guy's side.

They learned better. It took the school literally falling from the sky for them to learn better.

And then I came here. And I didn't see any of that. No hero, no sidekick, no sort of division that even remotely suggested that one kid was worth more or less than the next. Everyone was equal, because everyone was different.

So maybe it ticks me off even more because of that, when I see someone pointing a finger at the different kids around here, suggesting that they're somehow wrong, or worth less than the rest because they're different. This place is awesome. And, as much as I hate to get all sentimental about it, it's kind of started to be like home. We've got freaks of all shapes and sizes here. The list is huge. And the new kids who show up are blown away by how easily the people who have been here a while come to accept them for who they are, no matter how different they might be.

Hero, sidekick, or citizen. Black, white, or glow-in-the-dark. Straight, gay, bi. Human, mutant, animal, alien, or- you know what, I think you're starting to get my point here.

We're all different. So hate everyone equally or learn to shut your mouth.

If you end up turning this place into the place my last school used to be, so help me I'm going to start throwing fireballs at people who try to sit at my table in the cafeteria again.

And for now, I'll just shut my flaming trap.

Making Words with Toby

EEEABSTN
O _ _ _ _ _ _ _

TOLLAB
_ _ _ _ O _

AIIIRGVN
_ _ O _ _ _ _ O

NTEELCIO
_ _ _ _ O _ _ O

IUESSS
O _ _ _ _ _

LLPO
_ _ O _

MREREEFNUD
_ _ O _ _ _ _ _ _ O

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you O-OOOO OOOOO.

Coffee Pin-Up

credits:

editor: Rikku
words: Toby Moraitis, Warren Peace, Rikku, T. R. Wexler
pictures: The fabulous Chloe Sullivan, the amazing Rory Gilmore, the marvelous Peter Parker, the humble Rikku, and the splendiferous Cal Stephanides
adviser: Ghanima Atreides

Questions? Concerns? Got a hot tip? Send a letter to the editor: letters.fhightimes@fandomhigh.edu!