fhightimes | THE FANDOM HIGHTIMES: VOLUME 3, 17th EDITION!

PETER SPEAKS:

I'd like to take a moment to talk about something near and dear to my heart: not driving.

I never learned how to drive. Not only am I from New York, but I also have some alternate methods of transportation available to me, so learning how to drive would just be silly for me. And yet if it turns out that I go to college someplace that isn't New York, I may find myself at a disadvantage. I'll need to rely on rides from friends, public transportation, or my own creativity and abilities.

I'm going to be going with that last one most of the time, so if you ever heard a thud on the roof of your car and a friendly knock on your window, PLEASE drive carefully, okay? Thanks.

SUMMER'S SILENT DANGER
by Peter Parker

As the weather gets warmer, you might find yourself relying on your ceiling fan to keep yourself cool. However, studies may show that every year, more and more people injure themselves with their ceiling fans, a situation that could theoretically lead to death. So please, before you start using your ceiling fan this season, read this list of ceiling fan safety tips.

Do not attempt to stick your head between the blades while the ceiling fan is in operation. You are likely not fast enough to escape without at the very least getting a severe motor-powered thwapping. Do not take this as a challenge.

If you really must hang from your ceiling fan for some reason, distribute your weight properly and try to let go as soon as possible.

Do not hang from the speed or light pullchains. Those chains are weak and will not support your weight unless you are extremely light.

Setting your ceiling fan on fire is never a good idea.

Do not sharpen your fan blades because you think it'll be cool. That move will backfire on you and may cost you a hand.

LEARN TO SPEAK AL BHED
By Rikku

Welcome back! I actually got a request this week! Someone said I haven't been using enough pronouns. Which I don't 'cause usually I just say I-me-mine and whoa that sounds all selfish and weird. So! Here! This week I tried to use more!

She did not wish to wake up this morning as a he.
Cra tet hud fecr du fyga ib drec sunhehk yc y ra.

None of her clothes seem to fit.
Huha uv ran lmudrac caas du ved.

He has his reasons, and they have theirs.
Ra ryc rec naycuhc, yht drao ryja draenc.

Sometimes, yelling is more helpful than not yelling.
Cusadesac, oammehk ec suna rambvim dryh hud oammehk.

We are not 'us' yet.
Fa yna hud 'ic' oad.

And that's all for this week. Only one more week left until summer! So you have to let me know if there's anything you're just dying to learn, or else it'll have to wait! Caa oui haqd faag! (See you next week!)

JUMBLE

Unscramble the mystery words, then use the special CIRCLED letters to answer this week's brainbusting riddle!

NEETCR
_ _ _ O _ _

PAMRTE
_ O _ _ _ _

ESLEWA
O _ _ _ _ _

OAGYOHNTL
_ _ _ O _ _ _ _ _

HKICC
_ _ _ O _

What kind of dog is always ticked off? A OOOOOdog!

Last week's answers:
CARITAS, BOARDS, PERK, LUKES DINER, MCA
What do zombies wear in the rain? BRAINcoats!

YBBMA, LYHTO, RAYND, SUDUN, BYEHD
Fro yna nyppedc cu lrebban? Drao mayt y RUBBO meva!

APPLE, CANDY, HEART, MOTOR, PAINT
Why are rabbits so chipper? They lead a HOPPY life!

RADIO, DRINK, ELEPHANT, DRESS, METRIC
What do you get when you put ten cards together? One DEKACARDS!

The Fine Print
By Peter Parker

We're in the home stretch!.

Coffee Pin-Up

credits:

editor: Peter Parker
words: Peter Parker, Rikku
pictures: The fabulous Chloe Sullivan, the amazing Rory Gilmore, the modest Peter Parker
adviser: Steve Rogers

Questions? Comments? Complaints? Send a letter to the editor: letters.fhightimes@fandomhigh.edu