THE FANDOM HIGHTIMES: VOLUME 3, 13th EDITION!

[peter--parker.livejournal.com]

PETER SPEAKS:

Another week has passed and it's been another week without ponies. I hate to sound like a broken record, but not only is the Pony Rewards System a brilliant strategy toward motivation students as we close in on the end of the year, but it's also easy to write an editorial about.

The Pony Rewards System works on a simple principle: take something that kids wanted when they were little and tap into that in order to motivate them toward doing better in their studies. Therefore, I'm proposing an extreme revision to the PRS in order to further tap into that principle. The Pony Rewards System was only the start. I now advocate the Pony and Gold Star Rewards System. The better you do, the more gold stars you get.

Administration, the time for action is now!







A BAD WAY TO START THE DAY
By Pam Beesly

Okay, so everyone's woken up late, right? And it's the worst ever, because you always feel like you can't make up the time you missed. And there's always something that just takes up all your time. Like, with me, it's my stupid hair. If I don't take care of my hair, it turns into a GIANT FIREPOOFBALL OF DOOM. And no one wants to see that. So! Here are so easy tips for managing to get through the morning if you wake up late.

Figure out how much time you have. This takes some serious math skills, but I know you guys can do it. If you woke up late at 7:40 and you need to be out of the house by 8:00, then you have 20 minutes. Still with me? If you usually wake up at 7:00, then you've lost 40 minutes of getting-ready time. I know, this is hard.

Spend what little time you have doing things that matter. If you're me, this means taming the curls. If you don't eat lunch until late in the afternoon, you might want to eat breakfast. Feed your pets and/or children. Weigh the things you have to do carefully.

Hold your breath. Literally. Tell yourself that you are going to put on your pants, shirt, and shoes while holding your breath. Challenge yourself to finish the task before you take another breath. I know it sounds weird, but it actually works. While under pressure (like holding your breath) you tend to do things faster. Just pretend you're underwater or something. Or ignore this awesome advice because you don't want to not breathe.

Don't do useless things! Eat a Pop Tart instead of making pancakes or something. (Pop Tarts are nummy, anyway. I like the strawberry ones.) Don't bother making tea or coffee. Don't even bother checking your e-mail, for the love of little green apples! (I just like saying that. I don't really like green apples.)



SENIORITIS: AN INVESTIGATIVE EVENT IN SEVEN PARTS
PART V: THE END OF SENIORITIS: AN INVESTIGATIVE EVENT IN SEVEN PARTS
by Peter Parker

This week we'll be discussing the most vital part of Senioritis: quitting early. It may mean that you stop doing homework in March, or stop studying for tests in last year sometime. In my case, it means stopping this series at Part V. So long, Senioritis Column. You'll be missed, but not by me!

Next week: Not this!



LEARN TO SPEAK AL BHED
By Rikku

Welcome back to another week of Learn To Speak Al Bhed! It's way more fun writing these now that I know that people are actually reading them!!! (Hi!) So let's get right to this week's sentences!!!

It is very wrong for shoes to go on strike.
Ed ec jano fnuhk vun cruac du ku uh cdnega.

Mexico is a wonderful place! I wish we could go there more often!
Mexico ec y fuhtanvim bmyla! E fecr fa luimt ku drana suna uvdah!

Tattoo parlors do not appear to screen for customers being very drunk.
Dydduu bynmunc tu hud ybbayn du clnaah vun licdusanc paehk jano tnihg.

Being the best mentor ever means you can always handle yourself. (Right?)
Paehk dra pacd sahdun ajan sayhc oui lyh ryhtma ouincamv.

I hope everyone had a very enjoyable Spring Break!
E ruba ajanouha ryt y jano ahzuoypma Cbnehk Pnayg!

That's all for now! If you've got any requests, you can always ask me or just e-mail them to me and I'll totally include them in the next column! (Unless they're really dirty or bad, 'cause then I'll get in trouble!) Caa oui haqd faag! (See you next week!)



JUMBLE

Unscramble the mystery words, then use the special CIRCLED letters to answer this week's brainbusting riddle!

HGENAC

_ _ O _ _ _


PORECP

_ _ _ _ _ O

TEEIPCR

_ _ O _ _ _ _

MAFEL

_ _ _ _ O

NUBT

_ _ O _

What's the only bird that can get a job at a construction site? A OOOOO!

Last week's answers: SQUIRREL, COFFEE, GIRAFFE, COLLECTIONS, ARBITRARY
Why did the chicken cross the river? To get to the OTTER side.


The Fine Print
By Peter Parker

I'm going to become a puzzle-writer when I grow up.



Coffee Pin-Up

credits:

editor: Peter Parker
words: Pam Beesly, Peter Parker, Rikku
pictures: The fabulous Chloe Sullivan, the amazing Rory Gilmore, the modest Peter Parker
adviser: Steve Rogers

Questions? Comments? Complaints? Send a letter to the editor: letters.fhightimes@fandomhigh.edu