THE FANDOM HIGHTIMES: SUMMER NEWSLETTER EDITION - FOURTH ISSUE!

[auroryborealis.livejournal.com]

RORY SPEAKS:
There have been a number of experiences here in Fandom that have confused me, shocked me, and stretched my perception of reality. This place has a way of doing that, I've found. I mean, perceptions of normality shift naturally due to this place, and what was once considered bizarre is now nothing to blink at.

That said, I'm still deeply confused as to why I thought I was someone I wasn't but wasn't actually that person in my body. WTF, Fandom, WTF? We keep waking up on weekend mornings with something distinctly wrong with us, and our only explanation is "Fandom weirdness."

At this point, I'm just waiting for the day when I wake up and I'm a blender or something. It'll happen. Hey, just think - maybe that's where the talking toaster came from.




LETTER TO THE EDITOR:

To whom it may blah blah blah,

I read with interest your article "Farewell to the Land of Idontgiveacrap" in the July 26 issue of the Fandom High Newsletter. As head of FTEC I would like to state for the record that I am in shock at Dr. Cox's comment about me being a "A HORSE'S ASS AND THE DEVIL COMBINED INTO ONE" since past experience has shown me that Dr. Cox couldn't tell his OWN ass from any number of things, including pictures of his ex-girlfriend.

Furthermore, I would also like to state publically that while FTEC is proud to support openness and diversity by the hiring of... whatever species Dr. Cox actually is, I personally am still trying to work things out with my wife, and am not interested in fulfilling Dr. Cox's fantasies about me and him, especially as far as him touching parts of my body that sound a hell of a lot like his last name. I wish him all the best on finding happiness with the man, woman, or blind and clearly desperate monkey of his dreams.

Yours in blah blah blah,

Tommy Gavin





THE TOURIST'S GUIDE TO FANDOM
by Peter Parker

Although the island of Fandom is small in size, it's huge in personality. Much of that personality comes from the eclectic mixture of businesses and personalities that serve a community based around an unquestionably weird high school.

When you arrive on the island, chances are that you've crossed from the mainland via the causeway, come by boat and exited at the docks, or magically appeared in the park for reasons not understood by common man. No matter how you got to town, you're likely to make one of the following stops first:

*The Perk: If it's early in the morning or you just need a regular caffeine injection.

*Caritas: In case you need a drink and have a strong desire to embarrass yourself singing after your journey.

*Town Hall: Beware the storage closets!

*All and Sundries: For anything you might need to buy.

*Our Lady of Fandom Church: You'd better say your prayers if you're going to stay here for any length of time.

You'll also need somewhere to sleep. Most businesses around do have apartments, plus there are a few buildings with other people in them, and we do have a quality hotel near the causeway called The Arms Hotel. But if you're new to town you might as well save a few bucks and sneak into one of the vacant houses. Nobody will notice but the squirrels and shrubs.

Also, be wary of squirrels and shrubs.

As you wander the town, you might notice that most of the streets are named after mythical creatures and water fowl, all coming off a main street called "Apocalypse Avenue." It should be noted that street names say a lot about a place.

While you're in town, you may want to take a tour of our vacant mansions. We have four of them if you count the one that's rubble. They're very big, and the people who used to live there may have left some swag.

While you may hear about creatures attacking, such as zombies, Jello dragons, and karaoke, you should note that these things only happen once or twice a month. You're probably safe from them. And you happened to pick the wrong weekend, you can always call for the Fandom Troopers, who are always willing to help. You can do the same if a group of teenagers randomly walks up to you and starts singing.

That should be enough information to help you survive in Fandom for a few days. Enjoy your stay and watch out for water balloons.




We're back for another report on the gossip and the relationships at Fandom High during this summer session.

Love is still in the air for the usual couples of Fandom High. Picnics at the beach seem to be really popular among the couples. There's also been a couple of bad break-ups with Conner and Anders... as well as Tyler and River. "..." Oh! And Tempe and Cally went on a date! Go you! Pippi asked Pip out, way to go , Pippi.

Last week, some students took the phrase "Getting to Know You" to entirely new levels when over half the school spent the weekend under the mistaken belief that they were in the body of someone else. It is said that there was no lasting damage done. "Was this before or after you were a mermaid, Pheebs?" "... the day after I changed back."

We've had a couple of new arrivals on the island as of late... "Hi Jane!" ...welcome to the island and mind the gremlins.

There hasn't been a lot of shippiness going on this week. You guys are totally slacking off and we may have to organize another kissing event if you don't get in gear.

That's all for now. Have a good time Fandom!

Coffee Pin-up






credits:
editor: Rory Gilmore
words: Peter Parker, Phoebe Halliwell, Veronica Mars, Rory Gilmore, with letter from Tommy Gavin
pictures: The fabulous Chloe Sullivan, the magnificent Google, and the humble Rory Gilmore
coffee pin-up: http://hudsonscoffee.com.au/sysimg/4357_promo_size.jpeg

[ETA: Now complete with a rather hilarious letter that I completely forgot to include before. Go me.]