THE FANDOM HIGHTIMES: FIFTEENTH ISSUE!

[mycanonhatesme]

PHOEBE SPEAKS:
There have been a lot of lessons learned over the last few weeks here on our little island. We've learned that we can come together when we need to... and we can draw lines in the sand, too.

Some people have turned over new leaves, and continue to stick to them even while others are making it difficult for them.

It is as possible to succeed at being good as it is to succeed at being evil.

It's harder to be good than it is to be evil. Evil is easy and it takes very little effort to do all of the wrong things and slide downhill.

Good takes a great deal of work and effort and we as people tend to forget that.

How does one tell the difference between good and evil when evil can be so seductive and warp the way you view things?

It's hard to tell the difference because everyone wears a mask in the daylight.






DANGER DEFENSE
by Victor Borkowski

Hey all! School is back and so is Danger Defense! It's been a while, so let's recap: we've already talked about fear, and how to make sure it doesn't control you during a fight. Then, I explained how observation can help prepare you for a conflict. Now, I'm going to present some thoughts on two more important parts of a battle: weapons and your environment.

Part 3: Weapons

On this island, we are surrounded by weapons. Either physical ones, like the guns sold at Blood Gulch Arms, or actual people, either in the sense that they are highly trained or they have some sort of offensive power. However, just because you don't have any magic or genetics or training on your side doesn't mean that you don't have the ability to defend yourself. We were all given natural weapons, like fists and feet and, in some cases, really sharp nails, so even if you don't feel like it, nobody is truly helpless.

An important thing to do to prepare yourself for a potential conflict is to recognize what weapons you have. Are you quick-witted? Are you strong? Do you know any sensitive spots to aim for? Do you have any powers that can help you? Do you know how to swing a stick or use a gun? Before you can hope to defend yourself against someone trying to hurt you, you need to know what ways you can hurt or incapacitate him, her, or it, and practice using those abilities. They just may save your life.


Part 4: Environment

Defense isn't just about knowing yourself or knowing your opponent. Defense is also about knowing your surroundings and how to use them to your best advantage. I already touched up on this when we were talking about observation, but you have to do a lot more than just notice your environment. You also have to think about ways you and/or your opponent can interact with it. For example, you're back against a wall, and someone's walking toward you with a stick. She's going to beat the snot out of you unless you do something, quick! But what's that on the wall beside you? A fire extinguisher! But what to do with it? You could spray your attacker to try to blind her for a moment, or you could throw it at her, or you use it to block the stick from hurting you, or you could even stand still and when your attacker swings hope that she hits the metal and it explodes on her. Obviously, you're probably only going to pick one of those in the heat of the moment, but as you can see there are many different ways that you can interact with that part of your environment. Remember, however, that anything you use can be used against you. If you don't get to that fire extinguisher first, your opponent probably will, which will give her an even greater advantage in the battle.

That concludes this week's article, and I hope that it was helpful. Join me next week for the final installment of this series, where we'll bring it all together and talk about one last topic. See you in seven!


STUDENT COUNCIL ROUNDUP
compiled by Peter Parker

- There was a brief recap of the Spring Break Trip.

- The next Game Night will be Risk, one week from this Saturday. Bring your master strategists and would-be world conquerers!

- A poker night was brought up as a possibility.

- Everyone is supposed to remind Alanna that Self Defense Club meets on Wednesday.

- Also remind Alanna that Wednesday comes after Tuesday.

- There was a some of visiting universities.

- And now Professor Lyman is back at Fandom. Thanks for watching over StuCo while he was gone, Principal Washburn!







"I see that Coledependency agrees with you." "He's good for my skin." "TMI, Pheebs." "You have a very dirty mind, V."

Okay, so the students put on a performance of "A Midsummer Night's Dream"... but they were all possessed and it was an interesting interpretation of the play. "This reminds me of why I don't get involved with the performing arts at this school." "Fairy orgy?"

In sad news, we had to postpone the boykissy event in order to give Angel time to recuperate from his brush with death. Don't worry ladies, there will be boykissing... and glitter. Yes, Jaye, we promise. And on that note, because apparently there is some confusion about the issue, Angel and Logan did not have sex. "Who was confused about that, V?" "I don't honestly know. But Angel mentioned it in ACJ, so I figured I'd clear it up once and for all." "Hrmm..."

Proving once again that she is certifiably insane, a certain teacher is now turning townspeople into animals and not just students. "Tex is not going to like that." She turned Becky into what sounded like a cow... and she recently turned John into a pot-bellied pig and after that really ugly thing she turned him into last week, we have to say that a pig is a big improvement. "Isn't it cute how they flirt?" [Very, very cute. --Chloe]

There's been a lot of cute going on at the school this week.

Bridge and Rory fell asleep together on the radio. Cally and Anders are incredibly cute, as always. Piper and Lindsey were cute at Caritas. "There, you happy? I said you were cute in print, Lindsey." "They were adorable, I've heard." Parker showed up late for class Tuesday; wonder what caused that? We've heard that a lovely library aide and a different person named Parker are also being cute together, Jaye and Cam are flinging, Marty and Angela are fiery, and the demon and witch otp is being very cute and loving together. "Which demon?" "Shut up." And another witch was seen going into a hotel room with... "Nobody."

In further good news, Anakin is back. Welcome back, Anakin! That's so great that he's back.

Paige and Sawyer... *headdesk* ...are obviously plotting out what kind of funeral that her family should give for Sawyer. Paige? You think Phoebe and Piper are bad about this? Wait until we tell Prue and Grams. "*growls*" "What's wrong?" "Nothing."

Okay, it has been suggested to us... "Bel put you up to it, didn't he?" ...that in the prospect of fairness, there needs to be a girlkissy poll. The same rules apply. Nominate your desired girlkiss and place it in the secret ballot box our esteemed editor has set up. Next week, we'll list the nominees and in our column and you will all get the chance to vote on them.

Guys... this week has been boring with a capital "B". You people need to stop slacking off and get your acts together again.

SENIORS! ONLY 5 WEEKS LEFT UNTIL GRADUATION!

Coffee Pin-Up




credits:
editor: Chloe Sullivan
words: Victor Borkoski, Phoebe Halliwell, Veronica Mars, Peter Parker
pictures: Chloe Sullivan, The Magnificent Google
coffee pin-up: blackcanyoncoffee.com