THE FANDOM HIGHTIMES: Volume 4, Nineteenth Edition!

[the_merriest]

RIKKU SPEAKS:

Sometimes in life, we scrabble around for meaning. There's always risk, but sometimes we let the fear of those risks turn each situation into a mousetrap. Then we have no clue how to move forward. Each operation is more confusing that the last, and stress has a monopoly on our time. You don't need to be a mastermind to see that that situation is headed for trouble.

Times like that, it's helpful to remember that life's no candyland. Don't miss the boat just because you're afraid it might sink. Take deep breaths, and remember that joy can be found in the most trivial of pursuits.

This column is a bit stranger than most, I guess. Sorry?







Knit Me A Conspiracy
by Lee Adama

So, has anyone else noticed this strange group of mostly adults that seem to have started meeting under the guise of a knitting group? Has anyone else gotten a little suspicious? There cannot be that many people who want to knit. It's just impossible. Knitting is, at its best, an activity that gives you a handy weapon. So, why are all the adults, some of them are teachers, meeting almost in secret? What are they planning? When will their evil plan be executed? Who can stop them?

There are no easy answers to this new mystery. Obviously, the adults are up to something. And, thinking about it, it could be a myriad of things. Perhaps they're plotting to take over the island, install a new mayor and a new principal and make all us students their willing slaves. They've gotta be tired by being outnumbered by hormonal teenagers and now they want the attention. Perhaps they're all really aliens. And I don't mean aliens like me who is an alien for the simple fact I'm not from Earth. I mean, the skin they're wearing is just a disguise and, underneath that, they've got antennas and tails and they're a sickly pea green color. Once they reveal their true selves, they're going to turn this island into a colony of harvesters and fly us all back to their planet. Or, perhaps, they're meeting for a far more simple reason and that is they're all lonely. Maybe they're all meeting for companionship. Maybe them being together is the only thing that eases the ache in their broken hearts. They can join hands, cry and sing campfire songs without being judged. That, my friends, is what I hope is happening. It might be sad to think of your teachers and townspeople doing that but it has to be empowering for them.

But, vigilance must be observed. With the printing of this article, they'll all know that we're onto their game. That we're suspicious and watching them and that, if they step out of line, we'll push them right back into it. While they might say they're just knitting and drinking tea and having pleasant conversation, we'll know better. Our eyes will be trained on that house, on those adults and we'll be ready whenever they decide to reveal their endgame.

Oh yes, we'll be ready.

(ED.: The previous statements are the opinion of the reporter in question, and do not necessarily reflect the views of the Fandom Hightimes staff itself, or any of its sponsors. Although, really, a bunch of knitters? Sounds fishy to me.)






Aries
March 21 - April 20
If family obligations are weighing on your mind right now, then talk to a relative. I recommend Mrs. White.

Taurus
April 21 - May 21
Your life is your own business -- so ignore busybodies who give you advice on how to play the game of Life.

Gemini
May 22 - June 22
Today you will have a tendency to make things harder than they are. Be careful. This is not a round of Parchesi.

Cancer
June 23 - July 23
If you are accused of being too emotional over your massive loss today, don't take it too personally. You'll forget by tomorrow.

Leo
July 24 - August 23
You are holding yourself to standards that are too high to reach. Scale them back. You can't have both China and Europe, mmkay?

Virgo
August 24 - September 23
It's important to communicate your time availability to your battleship partner. Leaving someone hanging is uncool.

Libra
September 24 - October 23
You were being flirted with and didn't realize it - remember, late can still earn you a triple word score.

Scorpio
October 24 - November 22
Today it's all going to be black and white. The obvious answer is totes the right answer.

Saggitarius
November 23 - December 21
Try to stick with the plan today, any change in your routine will create problems.

Capricorn
December 22 - January 20
You'll get closer to your ideal mate today, but don't start cheering until you get 'em in the sack.

Aquarius
January 21 - February 19
Dude, don't let your emotional nature ruin everyone else's fun. If you cry during a game, no one will respect you tomorrow.

Pisces
February 20 - March 20
Your appearance matters more than ever today -- dress right for the job you want. Be a slut.



Coffee Pin-Up







credits:

editor: Rikku
words: Lee Adama, Toby Moraitis, Rikku
pictures: The fabulous Chloe Sullivan, the amazing Rory Gilmore, the marvelous Peter Parker, and the humble Rikku
adviser: Ghanima Atreides

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