THE FANDOM HIGHTIMES: Volume 4, Twelfth Edition!

[the_merriest]

RIKKU SPEAKS:

I was going to wait to write this until Fandom's weird honesty-kick shut off, but it's late and I'll probably be too tired to rewrite it in the morning. So let's just hope I don't say anything embarrassing, okay?

We've decided to start putting ads in the paper! This is a neat idea because it means the staff can get money. Also it'll be exposure for some new businesses, in town, and we'll be using the money for helpful things that make the paper run better. And also some pizza parties, for the staff. Those are good for morale.

So if you really hate the idea and want to yell at us, or you love the idea and want to say nice things to us, then send a letter to the editor! And if you want to buy an ad for next week, contact the ad department. Which is really just a different setting on our voicemail.

I never know what to say here, but it seems like I have enough writing for this week, so I guess I'm done now. Yay!







Welcome to the Asylum: It's New Semester Time!
by Lee Adama

It's a new semester here at Fandom High! Wait, what? You're saying the semester's almost half done? You're saying you're already old hat at this type of thing? Well, too bad, you'll read this article and you'll like it. Students, young and old, welcome back to the weirdest frakking place on Earth, Fandom High. It's a place where animals come to life, people turn into animals (or vending machines) and professors have more stringent haircare regimes than their female students.

And yeah, since this article is coming out a bit late, some of you are already probably versed in the weird goings on that occur here. You might have been bitten by a gremlin or come face to face with Fosse, our janitor. You might have heard about some of the suspicious things that happen during teacher staff meetings or been subjected to a detention beyond your wildest dreams.

But, for those that haven't, I say to you, don't panic. Don't panic. So far, we've dealt with sentient mistletoe, a sudden snowstorm, phones that go insane and turning into the opposite gender. If you let it get to you, it's never going to be fun. So, while this may seem hard, go with the flow. Don't panic. Work it. Be fierce. If you find yourself changed by a gremlin, don't hide forever. You can't have been as bad as one of our alumni, Luke Skywalker, whose gremlin shenanigans are well known. It's a thing, man. It happens and you move on. Hiding does nothing but makes people think you've died somewhere on the island.

Listen in your classes. The teachers, while eccentric, are teachers for a reason. And, besides one bump in the road (that wasn't entirely her fault), Principal Washburne hires impressively. Your teachers might be young, old, pretty, ugly, big, small, pink or green but they know their stuff. And, most of the time, if you cross them, they'll make sure that YOU know that they know their stuff.

Most of all, have fun. The first few weeks are overwhelming. Someone's coming up to you asking you about gremlins, requesting you take your shirt off, throwing glitter on you or something else equally as weird and it's easy to want to flee. Don't.

You'll miss all the fun.



by Cal Stephanides

This Week: A Hacked up Lung is Worth ... A Lot of Tea

Over the weekend, this reporter has spent an immense amount of time being sick. Even as I type this copy of the article, I fear for my editor's life, in that she will have to handle it.

But, if it were to pass from my words to her immune system, I can comfort her with one thing: you can expect a lot of tea.

Typically, I'm a cynical guy. I don't have a lot of faith in humanity, but I do have a sudden faith in the ability of the students at this school to take good care of you when your sick, even at the risk of their own health. Either that, or there's a good chance that they just have super-human healing.

Even when you're hacking up a lung, with snot running like a faucet out of your nose, and yellow plegm working its way up your throat, tea is a wonderful thing. Especially tea with a lot of honey (and I think people put lemon in it, too). Either way, it made my throat feel like it wasn't on fire for at least five minutes. With how miserable I was, it was a small blessing.

There is, of course, a lot to be said about the standard of chicken noodle soup. The only problem is that chicken noodle soup includes things like chicken. And noodles. That get stuck in your throat, which doesn't help with the coughing thing. This is why tea (providing it has plenty of honey...who would have known bee puke tastes so good?) is better. There aren't chunks of things floating in tea. Unless it was mad very, very wrong.

To the Fandomites among you who provide the sick and needy with tea, I salute you, and hope that many others follow in your wonderful example.

To the readers of the Fandom High Times, I'd like to remind you that I'm on my deathbed while I write this, if you were wondering why this article is complete crap.



by Warren Peace

This Tuesday, we all received a sort of cruel awakening involving our own mouths and the words coming out of them. It happens to still be Tuesday while I'm writing this, and so I feel compelled to share that, yes, I was also affected by this bout of Fandom Weirdness, and so there's absolutely no risk of there being lies in my editorial today. I am also terribly compelled to apologize for any false statements I might have made in this column in the past, which include but are not limited to me telling you that I do not like hugs, and also that I hate everyone. I do not hate everyone. I actually don't like getting close to people because I'm a terribly sensitive individual and I don't like getting hurt.

That won't stop me from throwing fire at you in the future if you ever mention this article to me.

That said, a little honesty now and again couldn't hurt, right? I'm going to challenge you all now to keep up the trend. It won't be easy, I know. I know very well. But if I can make the effort, you can, too.

More honesty on Fandom, guys. Otherwise, the island is probably going to be a jerk and make you do this all over again.

And for now, I'll just shut my flaming trap. Which I had to literally light on fire just so I could write this stupid line.



Coffee Pin-Up







credits:

editor: Rikku
words: Lee Adama, Warren Peace, Rikku, Cal Stephanides
pictures: The fabulous Chloe Sullivan, the amazing Rory Gilmore, the marvelous Peter Parker, and the humble Rikku
adviser: Ghanima Atreides

Questions? Concerns? Got a hot tip? Send a letter to the editor: letters.fhightimes@fandomhigh.edu!

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