THE FANDOM HIGHTIMES: VOLUME 3, 4th EDITION!

[peter--parker.livejournal.com]

PETER SPEAKS:

Once again, Halloween is here. And we all know what that means.

Tomorrow you'll be able to buy candy for CHEAP. Really, that's what the holiday is all about. As teenagers, trick or treating (in towns that aren't Fandom) is frowned upon so if you want candy you can either spend money on eggs and toilet paper and threaten people like a common thug or you can just wait until the next day and buy candy then. I'm not really the common thug type, so I hit the sales.

That's what Halloween means to me.









Friday's StuCo meeting was cut a bit short. See, there was an invasion. Of snakes. President Peter Pevensie totally took charge of the situation, though, beating them back with nothing but the chair he had been sitting on. It wasn't long before the snakes were held at bay, totally awed by the leadership skills and general awesomeness.

Of course, the snakes were quickly followed by pirates, who sent the snakes to take care of us so they could rob us all of our non-costume jewelry, thank you very much. However, our fearless leader who is an adult and generally awesome in a more rugged way or whatever, negotiated with them until they decided to head on their own way far, far from Fandom.

And then that dog that's always on the radio ate the meeting agenda.

This has been your Student Council report. I swear, it's all true.



ANIMALS FROM MY WORLD.
By Katara, Art by Pam Beesly

When I first got to Fandom, I kept wondering why all the animals here only were half animals. Our animals are so much cooler. Literally sometimes because there are penguins and turtleseals and koalaotters and tigerseals that all live at the South and North Poles. Ooh! And green sealguanas! Those are really cool. There's a legend that sailors thought that the singing of the green sealguanas was the song of the beautiful mermaids. But then when they found the sealguanas? They were so horrified by the scalyness and the greenness that they killed the sealguanas and ate them.

...That's a horrible legend. Stupid mean sailors. But the animals? I thought they were cute.

My very favourite animal though is a polar bear. When Sokka and I were little kids, we had polar bears in our village. They were so cute and cuddly and followed us around like puppies looking for treats. I hear you guys have polar bears too, but they're not pets. That's really sad.

Oh, one more thing. If anyone asks you to ride elephant koi? DON'T DO IT. And totally ask Sokka about the sabertooth mooselion.



LEARN TO SPEAK AL BHED
By Rikku

Rammu ykyeh! (Hello again!) This week in Learn to Speak Al Bhed we're feeling festive! Because of the holiday! So here are some phrases you'll probably need in order to celebrate!!!

Trick or treat!
Dnelg un dnayd!

I hope your house has good candy, or I will throw eggs at it!
E ruba ouin ruica ryc kuut lyhto, un E femm drnuf akkc yd ed!

Do you like my costume? It is a samurai!
Tu oui mega so lucdisa? Ed ec y cysinye!

I do not understand. Why is your elbow a pumpkin?
E tu hud ihtancdyht. Fro ec ouin ampuf y bisbgeh?

I think toilet paper looks especially nice decorating the trees in your front yard!
E drehg duemad byban muugc acbaleymmo hela talunydehk dra dnaac eh ouin vnuhd oynt!

Rybbo Rymmufaah, ajanouha! (Happy Halloween, everyone!!!)



HALLOWEEN MOVIE REVIEWS
By Charlie McGee

Review of I Walked With a Zombie : SKIP THIS. And Militia of Midnight : NETFLIX NOW.

Old-time horror is supposed to be the best, right? They didn't rely just on F/X, they had better directors, it was all so atmospheric, the concepts were better, et cetera, et cetera. Maybe they were if we're talking about Hitchcock, but not for I Walked With a Zombie, a low-budget zombie flick which I got in the $1 bin at Best Buy. Where are the legions of undead? Two zombies! Two! In the whole movie! And one of them isn't even rotting! Where's the threat of ultimate evil? Nowhere! Some rich guy's wife is wandering around in a fugue state, a plucky nurse shows up to find out the family secrets, and it's all very Manderly and metaMrs. DeWinter and totally boring boring boring! The most interesting people are the voodou worshippers, and they pretty much look like they're just putting up with the tourists from another movie so they can get paid and get back to their own much more interesting movie.

RATING: I'd rather be in Jamaica.

By comparison, you can't go wrong with Militia of Midnight, which, while it isn't strictly the most frightening zombie flick of all time, might be one of the funniest. Medieval spells. Time-travel. A guy from S-Mart with a boomstick. The Necronomicon. Zombies that *look* like our zombies at Caritas! Amusing F/X and tiny guys doing horribly violent things! Plus, lines that I swear I've heard people Dean Winchester use in real life. ("Good. Bad. I'm the guy with the gun.") There's a reason there's a cult around this. Okay, maybe it's not a cult of satan-worshippers or voodou worshippers, but if you're up for joining a Saturday-night movie cult, this is the one for you.

RATING: Gimme some sugar!



The Fine Print
By Peter Parker

I kind of want to dress as a penguin from Katara's world tonight. That thing looks awesome.



Coffee Pin-Up







credits:

editor: Peter Parker
words: Cher Horowitz, Katara, Charlie McGee, Peter Parker, Rikku
pictures: The talented Pam Beesly, the fabulous Chloe Sullivan, the amazing Rory Gilmore, the modest Peter Parker, the great Rikku, and the magnificent Google
adviser: Steve Rogers

Questions? Comments? Complaints? Send a letter to the editor: letters.fhightimes@fandomhigh.edu