THE FANDOM HIGHTIMES: VOLUME 3, 1st EDITION!

[peter--parker.livejournal.com]

PETER SPEAKS:

Well, Fandom High, here we are at the beginning of yet another school year. Well, a quarter of the way through the school year. Round down to the nearest half of a semester, though, and here we are at the beginning of yet another school year. We haven't been attacked en masse yet, no faculty members have been revealed to be any more evil than originally thought, and the weather has been shockingly normal, if unseasonably warm.

In short, things have been relatively boring. Oh, sure, everyone forgot who they were last weekend, and we have a bunch of people coming back for Homecoming this upcoming weekend, but is that all we can do? I'm very disappointed in the island as a whole and have decided to take things into my own hands.

You may notice as you read this that an unusual amount of ink has smudged on your hands. That's because we here at the Fandom Hightimes have skimped a little on the quality of the ink this week, going with the cheap stuff and thus making everyone who reads this have weird stains on their hands, face, and potentially places that I can't mention in a school newspaper. This not only gives people something minor to concern themselves with, but it will help pay for a pizza party for the paper staff at the end of the semester.

Thank you, Fandom, for your cooperation and understanding.








STUDENT COUNCIL GEARS UP FOR A NEW YEAR
By Cher Horowitz

The brand new Student Council held their first meeting on Friday, where senior Peter Pevensie was voted in as President. He totally deserves your congratulations.

The big theme was Homecoming, which is this Friday, October 5, in case you've been living under a rock (which may be possible here, and I preemptively retract in case I've offended any species). The theme will be Fandom's Greatest Hits, and in case the dance and getting to meet up with all your graduated friends isn't enough, don't forget Friday's Homecoming Carnival. You can sign up for various booths at the carnival in the dorms lobby through Thursday.

While you're there, don't forget to nominate your fellow whateverclassmen to the homecoming court. It will probably be the only royalty they get to be.

And lastly, know that we are working on making sure Parents Weekend is a blast for all involved, but the event with the awesome clothes and potentially juicy gossip has to happen first.



CLOSE-UP ON : JOHN WINCHESTER
By Charlie McGee

Demon-hunting and teaching would seem worlds apart, but for John Winchester, who has taught Firearms, Hunting and now Fandom Invasions this semester, it's just a continuation of what he's been teaching his sons for years. He has enough experience to run a truly frightening Detention, should he want to. "I was a hunter. Still am, though I'm not actively seeking out hunts as much at the moment. I hunted down evil spirits, demons, and whatever other strange things are out there hurting and killing people."

After his oldest son, Dean, had a run-in with an interdimensional portal four years ago, John sent Dean and his younger brother Sam to Fandom to keep them safe. But another encounter with danger on the island convinced him to settle down here. "So, I got a job here so I could keep an eye on them. Hunting's important, but not as important as keeping them safe. Of course, I've discovered a few more reasons to stay."

Reason #1 being Principal Zoe Washburn and their new baby girl Grace, born July 27. "Zoe -- Principal Washburn is one of the most amazing and admirable women I've ever met." After so much change, Mr. Winchester's plans aren't focused beyond the near future. "Sleeping through the night would be enough right now," he says wryly. "Grace hasn't quite grasped that concept yet."



PROFILE ON BARNEY STINSON
By Jamie Madrox, Esq.

Barney "Swarley" Stinson: Teacher. Mentor. Magician.

But who is he? What makes him tick?

Put simply, Mr. Stinson is a New Yorker who honors his Dutch roots by sleeping with as many people as possible. Why? Well he has to live up to the American Dream. The land of free. The home of those who get laid.

True he has some cannabilistic tendencies towards Zack Addy, but that's mostly so he could bite his ass. (And really... who of us haven't wanted to do that at some point?)

And given the choice of sleeping with any women he could want? He said that he would have to share all the ladies from the Golden Girls so they could be satisifed by his pet Barnacle. Including Bea Arthur because he is just that awesome. Wade? Are you reading this? BEA ARTHUR!

So if you take Mr. Stinson's class be aware of two things:
1. It'll be awe- and wait for it because there is math involved - some.
2. You should not be lactose intolerant because apparently Dairy foods will be involved.



PIXIE DUST: SILENT BUT FABULOUS
By Pam Beesly

What with Homecoming just around the corner, it's no surprise that Pixie Dust - one of Fandom's newest shops - is bound to be bustling with customers. The owner of the aforementioned store, one Ms. T. Bell, was pleased to grace our little publication with her grace, charm, and utter fabulousness.

Ms. Bell and Pixie Dust have come to Fandom to spread the joy of fashion clothes, what with the whole town clearly needing a makeover and all. Ms. Bell, who did not actually speak with me, per se, but gestured, indicated that she was greatly looking forward to all the incoming business, and also that she would like some teenage girls dead. Or something. The whole interview was kind of ambiguous, and yet utterly fabulous. That much I'm sure of. Mostly.



COMING SOON: ASK CHER!
By Cher Horowitz

Do you have a problem you just can't solve? Do you find it hard to fit in? Do you have relationship problems? Has Fandom weirdness caused undue stress that you just can't deal with? Or do you just wonder if that dress really does make you look fat? Have you ever wanted to ask a question of someone completely objective?

Well, you are in luck! The answer has come, and the answer is Ask Cher!

For absolutely no money down, you can get honest advice to all your problems. All you have to do is send an E-mail to just.ask.cher@gmail.com and you can look for your asked-for help in the next issue! And you can be completely anonymous. Because if it's bad enough that the squirrels haven't mocked you into fixing it, you deserve some privacy.

Happy problem-solving!



The Fine Print
By Peter Parker

The ink in this issue of the Fandom Hightimes is not, in fact, cheap ink. Well, no cheaper than the ink for the paper has ever been. It will not smudge any more than editions of the Hightimes from last year. But admit it, you were checking for ink stains, weren't you?



Coffee Pin-Up







credits:

editor: Peter Parker

words: Pam Beesly, Cher Horowitz, Jamie Madrox, Esq., Charlie McGee, Peter Parker

pictures: The fabulous Chloe Sullivan, the modest Peter Parker, and the magnificent Google