THE FANDOM HIGHTIMES: ELEVENTH ISSUE!

[mycanonhatesme]

CHLOE SPEAKS:
Happy Day After Singles Awareness Day! In all seriousness though, I hope everyone had a nice and disgustingly sweet Valentine's Day. Judging from some of the noises I heard as I went back to my room, some of you have...very interesting ways of expressing your love. Good job guys (and ladies)! Don't forget that the Valentine's Day Dance is this Friday, the 17th, in the gym. Yes, it's school sponsored, but it will still be fun. Really!


PHOEBE SPEAKS:
How does one measure the right of choice and life?

Does one person have the right to decide whose life is more important than another one? Is it right to expect someone to put their personal feelings above what they know is right? How do Ethics figure into the situation?

That's the question that people wrestle with every day here at Fandom.

A promise made to a monster is now affecting the lives of innocents. A promise that never should have been made is threatening to rip so many people apart...and I'm not supposed to care. The people I want to help don't trust me because of my heart. My heart isn't what drives me. I cannot put what I feel above the right thing to do.

Does it make things easy? No. Life isn't easy, we all get that --- Especially here in Fandom.

One life...one soul...the soul in question shouldn't even be up for discussion. It belongs where it is, so what gives anyone the right to remove it? There is no right. No one but the person it belongs to has the right to decide what happens next.







DANGER DEFENSE
by Victor Borkowski

Hey all, Victor here. Since just about everyone else is doing an interview with someone, I decided to try something different this time. All of you remember all the incidents we've been having over the semester, such as the vampire attacks and Snow Monster Weekend. Now, I'm used to crazy stuff like this happening all the time, but some of us might not be, and that's what this column is for. Over the next few weeks, I'll be offering tips and tricks to help us deal with any threats we face while here at Fandom High. What makes me more qualified to write this than anyone else? Not much, really. There are at least ten people on campus that have more that twice my experience, and I hope to interview some of them during the run of this series. But this is what I chose to write, and you can take it or leave it. I hope that you take it.

Anyhow, without further banter, I present the first part of our series:

Part 1: Fear

There's a saying that goes, "There's nothing to fear but fear itself." I didn't understand it for a while, but after going through some self-defense training I finally knew what the saying was talking about. It doesn't matter if your opponent is taller than you or stronger than you or has giant fangs dripping with drool. If you let yourself fear, then you've already lost. Fear is one oft eh most powerful emotions that people feel, and can make even an easy task seem really hard.

For example, imagine walking along a sidewalk. Nothing scary about that, right? Now imagine that that sidewalk is three miles in the air, and there are no handrails or anything to stop you from falling off if you lean too much to the side. Pretty scary, huh? I'd probably crawl along, if I didn't like heights. But why? It's just a sidewalk, right? The difference between the two situations, though, is that when you're three miles in the air, there's a chance that you'll fall and die. You don't want that to happen, but you become scared that it will happen.

Now, let's go back to a conflict situation. You're backed up against a wall, about to be attacked by something that wants to hurt you. Your breathing gets faster and your muscles tense up because you know that you're about to be hurt by something and you can't do a thing about it. Or can you? What if that someone was half your size and couldn't even chew applesauce? Would you be scared then? Probably not, and, once again, there's the difference. The likelihood of danger brings fear, making you think that you can't walk right or defend yourself.

Now, here's where it gets tricky. I'm not saying that you shouldn't be afraid. Fear makes most of us who we are, because it stops us from making really stupid decisions. However, if you don't control that fear, it can end up controlling you. For example, let's say you're three miles in the air again on a standard-sized sidewalk. Yeah, it's high and yeah, there's danger. But despite your fear, you know you have to move forward in order to get anywhere. Otherwise, if you give in to your fear and lay still on the pavement, you're frozen in one spot until you either get control of your fear or you die of starvation Same thing in a fight. If you just stand there because you're afraid, you're probably going to get hurt. But if you defend yourself even though you're scared of pain or death, then you've taken the first step in dealing with a conflict. We call it courage.

That's all for this week. Be sure to check in next week's paper for Part 2 of this series!


HOW TO SURVIVE A TYPICAL WEEK IN FANDOM HIGH
by Alanna Trebond

We've had Zombie Weekend and Attack of the Snow Monsters. Parent-Weekend has come and gone. We even managed not to burn down the gym during the dance. But those are special events, that come but once a year. So what about a typical week, you know, the one where you have to wake up and go to class every day? Well, with this handy guide, you should have no trouble making it to Friday.

1. It's lunch time, you're hungry, what do you do? Go to the cafeteria of course! People need to eat, and the food is part of the tuition anyway. There's awesome grilled cheese sandwiches and delicious fried chicken. Sure, you might be singing All Time Greatest Hits for the next few days, but at least you'll be full!

2. You're on an island. Parents and guardians are miles, sometimes even worlds, away. There's no curfew. Go out and party, explore the town in your not quite sober state! It's a perfectly safe island, not like anyone has ever gotten hurt here or anything. Okay, yeah, there's a chance there's still vampires or demons or who knows what lurking around at night. At least you'd have had a good time during your short trip around the island!

And my final tip for tonight:
3. Bother your fellow students! You're bored, they're bored. There's no better way to pass the time than calling each other names and doing those little things that specifically bug them. Ask Phoebe about her love life! Find out if Marty has run into another gremlin! And of course, the best way to round off your week, call Miss Parker by her first name. I guarantee, after this, vampires will be the least of your problems.

(Note: The Fandom Hightimes Staff is not responsible for damage to your health if you try any of these tips.)


PROFILE - PROFESSOR MS. RITA SKEETER
by Veronica Mars

One of the new faces in the faculty this term belongs to Professor Ms. Rita Skeeter, aged thirty-six, who has taken over the Journalism duties at Fandom High.

Professor Ms. Skeeter was an acclaimed journalist for a famous newspaper in London, The Daily Prophet, before accepting the faculty position here. "I left my job there last June, and have been working on my memoirs since," she said.

She doesn't seem to have a very favorable impression of the student body thus far. "Students here tend to be very nosey and seem to live in each others' pockets," she said. "Which is both interesting and irritating beyond belief." When asked for clarification, she added, "You're a close-knit bunch," Rita clarified. "Everyone seemingly knows everyone. It means you're all more willing to band together. Which can be bad sometimes."

Anyone who listens to Fandom Radio has likely heard of Professor Ms. Skeeter's unorthodox punishments. She said, "Creative punishments keep students on their toes, and keep me entertained."

As a practicing witch, Professor Ms. Skeeter has a multitude of creative punishments at her disposal. "I have the same training of any normal, full-trained witch. I can transfigure, charm, hex, jinx, create potions, and do any number of odd spells," she explained.

She was trained in the magical arts at a school called Hogwarts in the UK, which teaches young witches and wizards. She spent seven years training there as a member of the Slytherin house, which was the group for smart and strategic students. During her time there, she met her now estranged husband, Wilbur. They have two children, a son who is eight and a daughter who is five. Unfortunately, Professor Ms. Skeeter had to leave her children in London with their father when she accepted her position here. She's obviously a caring and thoughtful mother. "They're mostly in England so as to keep their home life stable as possible," she explained.

Asked if she had any advice or words of wisdom for the students at Fandom High, she replied, "Minding your business is a virtue that few possess."


STUDENT COUNCIL NEWS
compiled by Peter Parker and Chloe Sullivan

- Valentine's Day Dance: Professor Lyman is still looking for chaperones.

- Game Night: Monopoly took place on Saturday and was a big success. (Thank you Isabel Evans!) Pirates looted and Blair staged a protest in jail.

- Spring Break Trip: Confirmed as March 3-8, to England and Calais.

- Tutor Program: Still looking for volunteers. Check Blair Sandburg's signup sheets.






"So, Phoebe, still engaged to Crowley?" "Yes." "Are you back together with Bel, yet?" "No." "Think he'll sing Cher again at Caritas?" *headdesk*

Let's see, this week we start off with the OTP who has become the poster pairing for the column, CJ and Ten. They're awesome and Ten is snuggly. Deal with it. "They're going to kill you, Pheebs." "Probably."

Marty and Angela got back together! This is very good news and I can now wave my flag again. It is very good news, since they both had disastrous dates with other people while they were apart. Maybe Broots and Quinn can console each other?

CJ threw her son a terrific birthday party...complete with party favors that had sharp pointy teeth and claws. "Hey, V? Why do things like this always try to eat me?" "Ask your boyfriends". "Ha Ha. Very funny." Anyway, Jack's party was a big hit and we think people are going to be talking about this for a very long time.

In other birthday party news, Anders recruited Rory to help throw a party for Cally on Saturday. Happy Birthday, Cally! Sorry I missed your party.

In the cuteness Olympics, Cally and Anders are still way out in the lead. This is in no way a surprise to us. It's possible we have new contenders in Sam and Janet. Rumor has it they got drunk together one night last week and then the next day, Marty set up a romantic dinner for them. Blair had a date with Jaye...wait, what?! Jaye?! That must be a mistake because Blair had a date with Nadia. And Jaye and Archie were seen dining at Cafe Fina on Saturday night. I didn't know Dating Carousel was being filmed at Fandom High this week. Parker must be in it, too, because she was seen dancing with Harkness in the library and being cute with Jarod in town.

The official sport of Fandom High has apparently become Spin the Bottle. By the way? We're very much in favor of a Boykissing Exhibit. Just imagine the pretty! We can provide a list, too. We've also heard rumors about a certain vampire, who last semester claimed to be allergic to colors, being "glittered" in a rather unusual way. Where are the hidden cameras when you need them? We'll have to ask Dean Washburn if we can order some.

We have a new Doctor on campus and he looks very familiar to some of us. Rumours that a certain witch made out with him are greatly exaggerated. Said witch might have also been rescued from an awkward situation by her sister. Said witch is never drinking tequila again. "Uhm, Pheebs?" "Yeah?" "Camulus and Orlin?" "..." "They're not demons, right?" "No. One's an Ascended and one's a...never mind! Nothing happened I just walked in...and...they...I'm not making it sound any better am I?" "Not really, no." "..."

Hey! Good luck to Professor Rita Skeeter on that whole getting back together with her husband thing. I think it's great that her loyal students care so much about her that they're working on reconciling her with her husband. No one deserves it more than she does. Aww, her students are so giving.

I think that's it for us this week. Oh, but in case you were wondering? The mountie is still hawt. Oh, very much so.


SENIORS! ONLY 10 WEEKS LEFT UNTIL GRADUATION!


Coffee Pin-Up




credits:
editor: Chloe Sullivan
words: Victor Borkoski, Phoebe Halliwell, Veronica Mars, Peter Parker, Chloe Sullivan, Alanna Trebond
pictures: Chloe Sullivan, The Magnificent Google
coffee pin-up: coffea.se