THE FANDOM HIGHTIMES: Volume 4, Fifteenth Edition!

[the_merriest]

RIKKU SPEAKS:

Wow, it's really hard being back to the freezing cold again, after a nice long week on a Caribbean cruise. But you know what? Maybe I've just been looking at all of this the wrong way. I mean, the best way to keep warm is to keep moving, no matter how much the weather makes you want to bundle up under six blankets and not move at all!

So! Fandom! Let's get active! If the duck pond is frozen over, let's go ice-skating! There are all kinds of ups and downs over by the rocky bits - wouldn't those be perfect for going sledding? And with all the Canadians we've got here, I'm really shocked no one's tried to start a hockey game by now!

When Fandom gives us frozen lemons, that just means we'll need to make some frozen lemonade. Right?







Walk it Off: A Figure Skater's Failure
by Lee Adama

Let's face it, this island is a very pretty place to live. The girls are pretty, the guys are pretty, heck, even the landscaping is pretty. But, as I have come to discover, not everything is attractive. Case in point: the crying jag that some figure skater named Nancy Kerrigan went on while she was on live television after getting knocked in the knee with a little stick. Now, I don't know if she was trying to garner sympathy or what but I saw that footage and her knee looked fine. It didn't even looked swollen. And yet, she sat there on national television, crying like a little girl that had just been told there was no Tooth Claus or something. She let people take pictures of her and just stayed there, holding her knee and screaming at the top of her lungs.

That was not attractive. I'm not trying to be shallow or mean here but what was the point to that whole scene? To make herself some martyr for her cause? To get herself fifteen minutes of fame in the lame figure skating spotlight? To let us all see that crying really does make you look ugly? I can't guess her motivations but, for as long as she sat there and rocked, holding a pristine looking knee, I have to guess she was over figure skating and was auditioning for some lame soap opera. I mean, what better audition tape than screaming about some boo boo you got from a stick on live television? Next up, we'll see her on the Lifetime channel, laying in the middle of field, wondering whhhhhhhhhhhhy she was abducted by aliens or something else equally as melodramatic.

I don't know about you, but if I see that, I'm changing the channel.



by Warren Peace

Oh, Fandom.

Fandom, Fandom, Fandom.

We were free of you for a whole week. A week of sun and sand and swimming pools that people actually managed to coax me into and only because they were small swimming pools, really. Nobody is going to catch me paddling around in the deep-end of a full olympic-sized pool.

But the freedom is over, and we're back on the island again, holding our collective breath, waiting for Fandom to make up for the lost time somehow. What nefarious plans could it possibly have in mind? A random sasquatch invasion? An epidemic that turns half the island into a rare crossbreed of orca whale and kermode bear? Maybe we'll all be possessed by sumi-e obsessed artistic animal spirits, forced to draw colorful linked rings for an entire weekend.

This is Fandom, guys. Brace yourselves. Anything could happen.

Except for me getting into that olympic pool, of course.

And for now, I'll just shut my flaming trap.






Pisces
February 20 - March 20
Live the illusion, Pisces. Your daydreams about winning the gold will come true so long as you remain distracted for sures.

Aries
March 21 - April 20
It's time to get more strategic, Aries. When you pick up that crowbar, remember Tanya and how that worked out for her. Try something less obvious.

Taurus
April 21 - May 21
Bringing a new endeavor to the next level will, like win you a trip somewhere cold. Possibly Vancouver. I don't recommend trying too hard this week.

Gemini
May 22 - June 22
When was the last time you got totally flirtatious with someone? That is so totes what I thought. If Michael Phelps was still on a Wheaties box the last time you had sex you need to hit the bar TONIGHT. Penelope will dig it.

Cancer
June 23 - July 23
If you don't want to climb out of your shell, that's really okay! Don't feel guilty. We can't all be Michelle Kwan.

Leo
July 24 - August 23
Influential people are impressed by you today. It's likely the really short skirt of a champion. Just saying.

Virgo
August 24 - September 23
Be careful when communicating with new people today. They aren't as drunk on victory as you may think.

Libra
September 24 - October 23
If you concentrate like a maniac, you too can play the role of our next Olympic mascot. Remember, they're symbols, not animals.

Scorpio
October 24 - November 22
You are a selfish bitch who doesn't deserve a spot on the team. Working together doesn't mean you have to share the medal, God!

Saggitarius
November 23 - December 21
Since you don't know today's outcome, choose to think that it will be a good one. Because that will totes help.

Capricorn
December 22 - January 20
This day will throw a lot of details at you, but try not to get bogged down in them. No one is as important as you want them to be.

Aquarius
January 21 - February 19
As you write your check for 18 cents this week, remember all those poor children in China whose voices were stolen by other, cuter children. Because pretty people win in life.



Coffee Pin-Up







credits:

editor: Rikku
words: Lee Adama, Toby Moraitis, Warren Peace, Rikku
pictures: The fabulous Chloe Sullivan, the amazing Rory Gilmore, the marvelous Peter Parker, and the humble Rikku
adviser: Ghanima Atreides

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