THE FANDOM HIGHTIMES: VOLUME 3, 15th EDITION!

[peter--parker.livejournal.com]

PETER SPEAKS:

We have only a month until graduation and I have still not seen a single pony delivered to a good student for their work and dedication.

I've been writing about the Pony Rewards System for two years now. During this time I've pointed out how there's little that can properly motivate Fandom's students to greater heights without being creative with ponies. I've pointed out that we have plenty of room to keep the ponies that the students earn. I haven't mentioned where we might get the ponies, but I'm from New York. I know a guy. I've been trying to make sure someone received a small horse for their efforts before the time came for me to leave this school, just to know that I helped someone. I helped them earn a pony. It would have been the proudest moment of my life.

But after all this time, there has been no forward movement and yet I'm still writing about it.

Congratulations, school administration. Without either of us realizing it, you gave me my horse. Metaphorically. The horse is dead and it's been posthumously beaten for a long time now.

Whatever, I'm still counting it as a victory. The Pony Rewards System works!







SENIORITIS: AN INVESTIGATIVE EVENT IN SEVEN PARTS
PART VII: THE END
by Peter Parker

Senioritis only ends one way: with graduation. At that point, you're no longer enjoying your final days at the top of the high school food chain. At that point, you're back to being a freshman in college. Worse than that. You're a GONNA BE freshman.

At that point you have two options: get back on track and get to work, or continue to slack and work at McDonald's. That's why this final edition of the Senioritis series features multiple complete sentences and there was actual thought put into it. I'm getting a jump on getting back on track.

So long, Senioritis! May you continue to serve seniors well.



SPRING HAS SPRUNG; AN ISLAND PREPARES FOR THE WORST
By Pam Beesly

The first day of spring was last week, bringing hope for warmth and striking fear of humidity into all our hearts. And normally, the signs of the new season are easy to spot -- budding trees, animals coming out of hibernation, the weather getting just that tiny touch warmer.

But here in Fandom, we do things a little differently, so here are the signs to look for when hoping for warmer weather:

• Tiny, adorable invasions -- check, if the Peeps we saw this weekend are any sign.
  
  
• Shirtless boys. Shirtless girls, for that matter. Everyone here seems to disrobe as soon as it's even remotely warm enough.
  
  
• Itchy seniors. Not literally. I mean, yet. Oh god, what if I've jinxed you all into having random rashes?
  
  
• Random children. I remember the screams of that one little boy who hated me all too well.
  
  
• Good-natured teachers. The weather's warmer, you can get away with more.

LEARN TO SPEAK AL BHED
By Rikku

Welcome back to another week of Learn to Speak Al Bhed! In case you missed all the previous weeks: Al Bhed is the language of my people, who are also called the Al Bhed. And when I first got here, nobody spoke any of it, so I put sentences in the paper just in case anybody wanted to learn! So here are more sentences you can just try out on people. See what they think! Or try them out on me, because I love hearing them!! Okay, here we go!!!

I would not make a very good parent (at least not right now).
E fuimt hud syga y jano kuut bynahd (yd maycd hud nekrd huf).

It is not very nice to tease people, unless you are just joking with friends!
Ed ec hud jano hela du dayca baubma, ihmacc oui yna zicd zugehk fedr vneahtc!

Spring is a beautiful season, because flowers bloom and the weather is warm again.
Cbnehk ec y payidevim caycuh, palyica vmufanc pmuus yht dra faydran ec fyns ykyeh.

How is your week going? I am (not) enjoying mine! [Add in "not" if you're having a bad week! And if so, I hope it gets better!!!]
Ruf ec ouin faag kuehk? E ys (hud) ahzuoehk seha!

I am using this space to say that John Sheppard is awesome. [He did me a favor, I owe him!!!]
E ys icehk drec cbyla du cyo dryd John Sheppard ec yfacusa.

See? It's simple and easy and all that other good stuff! If there's anything you're just dying to learn how to say in Al Bhed, let me know and I'll add it to next week's column! Unless it's something I'd get detention for printing!!! Caa oui haqd faag! (See you next week!)



JUMBLE

Unscramble the mystery words, then use the special CIRCLED letters to answer this week's brainbusting riddle!

IEMT

O _ _ _

GEHANC

_ _ _ _ _ O

RARNAGEER

O _ _ _ O _ _ _ _

CUDLSO

_ O _ _ _ O

MATUUN

_ _ _ O _ _

Why was the paper cowboy arrested? He was a OOOOOOO!

Last week's answers: OUTFIELD, ENTHUSIASM, ESTEEM, WARRIOR, HELICOPTER
What does a fly wear on its feet? SHOOS!


The Fine Print
By Peter Parker

This week's Jumble brought to you by TV Land.



Coffee Pin-Up







credits:

editor: Peter Parker
words: Pam Beesly, Peter Parker, Rikku
pictures: The fabulous Chloe Sullivan, the amazing Rory Gilmore, the modest Peter Parker
adviser: Steve Rogers

Questions? Comments? Complaints? Send a letter to the editor: letters.fhightimes@fandomhigh.edu