THE FANDOM HIGHTIMES: VOLUME 3, 10th EDITION!

[peter--parker.livejournal.com]

PETER SPEAKS:

Ah, Valentine's Day. Every year it's there for people in love to express their devotion to their significant other with gifts, candy, and mass produced greeting cards that ultimately seem rather soulless.

Meanwhile, people who aren't in a relationship or whose significant others are on the other coast in a different universe can feel free to truly hate a day. Think about that. People actually dislike a day of the year so much that it could be considered hate. And therein lies the beauty of Valentine's Day. It brings people together in both love and hate. Both sides of the spectrum are passionate about a random Thursday. That's power.

So, Valentine's Day? Thank you for bringing people together. I hate you, Valentine's Day.







SENIORITIS: AN INVESTIGATIVE EVENT IN SEVEN PARTS
PART II: SYMPTOMS OF SENIORITIS
by Peter Parker

Welcome back to what may be the world's first detailed investigation into the tragic illness known as Senioritis. We'll assume that it is because as a senior with mere months left in school, I can't be bothered to check. Last week we discussed what Senioritis was. This week, we'll be looking at its symptoms so that a Senioritis victim can be identified before it is too late.

Victims of senioritis often suffer from general apathy towards doing any kind of work, as simple as it might be. This may result in taking nothing but so-called bird courses [Ed.: Fandom High does not offer any courses about owning, becoming, or flying like a bird.], a significantly lowered GPA, or a casual lack of interest in pretty much anything that isn't avoiding work. Or making out.

Our current generation is known for being inquisitive and self-motivated or at least that's what this newspaper is going to claim is the truth. When those traits falter simply due to being the eighteenth year of our lives, what can we possible do to cure this? That is the question we must ask.

And the answer is that I don't know because I completely checked out on this article with 'making out.' Maybe next week.



IN THEIR POUCHES LIE DANGER
By Anathema Device

I have only been a student here at Fandom High for a bit over a semester. Compared to some of the students, I’m a newcomer. But in that one semester I have seen students lose their minds for a variety of reasons. Between the majority of the people on the island thinking they were someone else and thinking they were twenty years older, I’m beginning to think that Fandom has it all covered.

So what do I think is the next adventure Fandom will throw at us? Mutant kangaroos. And evil koalas. What do they need those pouches for anyway? Doesn’t anyone but me think that’s a bit suspicious? And they’ve been off in Australia, all separated and just bidding their time until they can attack us with grenades and eucalyptus shoots. Now, I’m all for eucalyptus, but seriously, have you ever gotten hit by one of those things? Let me tell you, it hurts.

So enjoy the Valentine’s Day dance and watch out for the violent marsupials. When the day comes, I’ll be off in the corner, saying “I told you so.”



ON A MORE SERIOUS NOTE
By Peter Parker

Enjoy the Maskerade this Friday, Fandomites, and make sure you know who's behind the mask before you make out with anyone.


The Fine Print
By Peter Parker

Valentine's Day can be abbreviated VD. COINCIDENCE?



Coffee Pin-Up







credits:

editor: Peter Parker
words: Anathema Device, Peter Parker
pictures: The fabulous Chloe Sullivan, the amazing Rory Gilmore, the modest Peter Parker
adviser: Steve Rogers

Questions? Comments? Complaints? Send a letter to the editor: letters.fhightimes@fandomhigh.edu