Going to College
by Annie Edison
As students, we hear a lot of things during our high school careers. The most prevalent thing we hear is probably something along the lines of, "You need to get into a good college to get ahead in life."
Recently, I've begun to think that no one really needs that much school. If say, you don't get into a college, or you get in to two with a few more left to hear back from and one's even an Ivy League school but you haven't gotten any of the scholarships that would make it at all feasible for you to go, it's not the end of the world! So dear readers, I'd like to explain a few reasons why this is true.
• The economy is in the toilet. How often do we hear about things like people not being able to get jobs out of college, or how their degrees don't actually do them any good? Considering just how much college costs, it might do you some good to just skip school altogether.
• There's something to be said for a good work ethic. Companies like go-getters! There's nothing wrong with just jumping into the workplace and getting some practical experience under your belt.
• How much are you actually going to learn in college, anyway? They ask you to complete so many credits, but that's probably superfluous information. They just want your money.
• The odds are, you won't excel at college. In fact, you might not even graduate. This is where most people in their late teens first get to experience total lack of supervision, and the abundance of alcohol, sex and drugs fuels most TV shows about college life. You could so easily end up with a baby or a disease or an addiction that's going to prevent you from finishing at all. Better just to resist the temptation.
• If you do go, you will be paying off student loans for the rest of your life. Do you want to start your new life out of college with debt? Because it will happen, bucko.
So you see, there's really no need to deal with the whole higher education thing. You're just as well off without it. And even if you don't make it right away, well, the world needs people who will whore for rent.
[Ed. note: This article does not represent the opinions of the Fandom High Times. Remember, whoring for rent is illegal in most of the country. Please do not whore for rent.]
FROM THE EDITOR'S DESK
As the year continues to speed ahead far too fast for anyone, we're heading smack into Prom this Friday. Remember, Student Council will be selling tickets and holding voting for Prom King and Queen in the first floor lobby all week leading up to the big dance.
One of the more controversial aspects to every prom is, of course, the fact that it's for upperclassmen and their dates. The easiest way for the freshmen and sophomores among us to get around this is, of course, to date an upperclassman. That's how I'm getting to the Prom, and I hope that I'm not alone in that respect.
In fact, I'm going to make a plea here. If you're an unattached junior or senior, consider giving your underclassmates a chance to see how the big dance is done. We clean up nicely and promise to represent ourselves well. Give us a shot.
And if anyone wants to set up a system to make this happen more easily, the idea is free. Have fun with it.
The Art of Observation
by Lucrezia Borgia
Welcome back. This week, I would like to expand upon a point made in an earlier column, which was that one should always take in one's surroundings; listening to those who assume one is merely reading, for example.
On a related note, one should never overlook the usefulness of servants. Servants are required to be seen and not heard. They see all, individually, and share their tales collectively. It is their very livelihood to know any weak spots in the household's armor; often, they are aware of complications before the master of the house. Indeed, their very livelihood depends upon it.
Information whispered from those without voice cannot be trusted wholesale; it has been stitched together from scraps into a larger cloth, and as such, some of the pieces will not fit. Having said that, ignoring the backdrop would be foolhardy. Far better to examine the tapestry for one's self and weigh the pattern against one's own experiences. It is highly recommended that one befriend those who walk in plain sight, and come to know their instincts as one's own.
Readers from a more modern era may believe that this week's column is not helpful to them, but they are mistaken. The smiling girl who takes one's meal order, the chambermaid who cleans one's hotel room, all who work in shops have these same insights. One never knows when one may need a friend with an ear placed to the ground.
FANDOM STRANGENESS UPDATE
by FHT Staff
• A couple weeks ago on March 15, things disappeared, seemingly at random. They returned the next day.
• On March 20, the phones went insane. Please disregard any phone messages you received last Tuesday.
THE FINAL WORD
by Dave Nelson
Speaking of ways to pay for college, I would like to remind the readers of a little bit of sports analysis made in the 4th edition of this newspaper:
While the Fandom High Times does not advocate gambling, I would like to note that history has a habit of repeating itself. And last year in my time, Lousville won. So keep them in mind when you fill out your brackets in the coming weeks.
Louisville is still alive heading into the Final Four this year.
Remember this if you ever feel the need to doubt the opinions of the Fandom High Times in this, one of the most celebrated tournaments in American sports.
[Ed. note: The implications in this article also does not reflect the opinions of the Fandom High Times. Remember, sports gambling is illegal in most of the country, including NCAA pools. Please do not bet money based on the opinions of a sports fan from two decades in the past.]
editor: Dave Nelson
words: Lucrezia Borgia, Annie Edison, Dave Nelson
pictures: So many people from Fandom High Times past
adviser: Jaye Tyler
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